(The following should be yelled in your head in a frantic and desperate manner)
The return of Beavis & Butthead has been disappointing…
The X Factor makes American Idol look worse each week…
The Office stayed around about 2 years too long…
How I Met Your Mother is stretching this mother reveal out…
I’m overdue for a blog update….
(The following line should now be triumphantly yelled in your head)
THINGS THAT ARE UNDERSTATEMENTS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!!
Well, now that we’ve gotten my little $25,000 Pyramid apology out of the way, let’s get down to the business at hand. There has obviously been a lot going on across all of the TVpocalypse Top 25’s shows (shows tend to have things happen over the course of a 4 week spell), and you will see that the poll will be reflective of that. We’re also coming up to that awful time of the year (yes, the holidays) when shows end or go on sabbatical, so we’ll also need to start considering which midseason shows will be joining the poll as others fall off. So obviously we have lots to get to, so without further ado (I mean it this time), here’s this week’s TVpocalypse Top 25 poll!!
1. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 4)
I’m going to say two things about this show, that if you know me or anything about me, will help you understand just how great it’s been the last few weeks. First of all, this is the closest thing I have seen to The Sopranos in it’s prime (before the heart of the show got derailed by the untimely and unfortunate illness and eventual real-life death of the show’s matriarch, Livia). And to be honest, if I really think about it, it might even be better. The action, the storylines, the relationships around the club and the family are so perfectly interwoven. The show is just always pitch perfect, and these last 4 or 5 weeks have somehow been even better. And that leads me to my second point. This might very well be the best run for a show that I’ve ever seen. The only season I can recall where this much has happened was the final season of Six Feet Under. But that was the final season and they were going out guns blazing (might have very well been the best series finale ever…another topic for another time). But Sons just got renewed for another season (thank God) and they keep raising the stakes every week, and somehow finding a way to raise them even higher the following week. Are Bobby and Juice really going to be in jail? Who’s going to blow the whole thing up first…Tig or Ope? Is Gemma going to cripple Tara or is Tara going to cripple Gemma? Will Jax kill Clay? And is he going to finally take his rightful place at the gavel? I literally have NO idea on any of these questions….and I couldn’t be happier about it. I don’t know that I have ever been this excited for a season finale.
2. Homeland (Last Week: 1)
In any other season, at any other time, this show is number one. So many twists and turns with so many interesting characters. Every time you think you’ve figured out if he is or isn’t a sleeper cell, Brody goes and does something or says something or just looks a certain way that makes you question everything you thought you knew to be true. Claire Danes, Damien Lewis and Mandy Patinkin are brilliant, as is the writing. The show’s already been picked up for a second season, so if you haven’t already, now’s the time to get on board.
3. The Walking Dead (Last Week: 3)
This show just wrapped up the first half of the season and will not be returning until February. Ugh! How good has this show been lately you ask? Let’s put it this way, that stunt they pulled in the last episode with the little zombie girl emerging from the barn….I had no idea. I literally didn’t see that coming at all. And when I can say that, I am happy. And the only one happier than me would probably be Kate since when I am unable to ruin yet another plot twist in yet another TV show or movie, I would assume that improves the viewing experience for her as well.
3. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 2)
OK…I wimped out. It’s a tie. I can’t help it though…they’re both that good. And sadly, unlike it’s #3 brethren, this show is flat-out ending soon. But just like it’s #3 brethren, I have NO idea where we’re heading. You might be surprised to know this (or Kate might be anyway), but actually I enjoy a show or a movie so much more when I DON’T know what’s going to happen. Sadly, it just doesn’t happen all too often. I’m as curious as anyone else to see how it goes down between Nucky and the Irish versus Jimmy (who is going to be BEYOND pissed about his wife’s murder) and the Commodore. Is it Sunday night yet?
5. Modern Family (Last Week: 5)
The only reason this show is not moving up the rankings is because the shows ahead of it are literally having epic seasons. This cast reminds me of the Bluths in that it’s almost impossible to pick your favorite member of the family, and I think you all know how I feel about the Bluths.
6. Happy Endings (Last Week: 7)
Very simple. This is the best show you’re not watching. Go. Watch it. Now!
7. Parenthood (Last Week: 10)
I can’t believe that after one episode of this show I was worried about how the story arc they chose for Alex would ruin this season, and now I can’t even remember when the last time Alex was actually on the show. As you will learn, there are no guarantees on this blog. I put predictions and theories out there. Some are right, and I will write about them and brag about them for years to come. Some are not entirely right, and I will immediately dismiss them and ignore them. What were we talking about again?
8. Up All Night (Last Week: 12)
So Christina Applegate is back. As is Ed O’Neil. And Katey Segal. So the question begs to be asked. When is it time for David Faustino to be back?! I think America is ready for full-on Bundy’s renaissance! Someone get me David Faustino’s agent….wait…someone get David Faustino an agent!
9. The X Factor (Last Week: 11)
First of all, I’m a little bit concerned that this show has effectively ruined American Idol for me. But with that being said, I am loving the format, I’m loving the contestants, I’m loving the judges’ bickering…and I’m loving the drama. A couple of weeks ago fan favorite Astro finished in the bottom two and was seemingly preparing to “perform for his life”. But instead, Astro went diva….like Whitney diva. He openly questioned if he should even be forced to do this. He then went on to essentially tell off anyone and everyone in the crowd and at home who didn’t vote for him. And then went out and put a big giant stamp on it as he mailed in his performance. The truly hysterical part about all of this was that he STILL was selected by the judges to move on over the very obviously talent-deficient Stacy. Stacy was one of the older contestants and this juxtaposition of attitudes only made her desperation that much more obvious. My question is what would Astro have had to done to have been voted off by the judges? I’ve come to the conclusion that anything short of him taking a dump on the stage would have seen him being selected over Stacy to move on (and I’m not 100% certain that him taking a dump on the stage would have made a difference either).
10. The League (Last Week: 15)
Years ago HBO came out with this abomination named The Mind of the Married Man. The show was supposed to be Sex & the City for men. It was supposed to let everyone in on what went on behind closed doors when men interacted with each other and within themselves. It was supposed to give you a peek into the “mind of the married man”…hence the name. The show failed miserably, because in short, it could not have been further removed from the truth. I’ve never actually investigated it, but if I had to guess, I would say that the show was written entirely by women. And I do not mean that in any sort of offensive way. I would never attempt to write a show or a book that pretended to perfectly capture what goes on inside the head of a woman, because I would have no idea how to do that. Obviously. But where that show failed, The League succeeds. This is one of the best expressions I have ever seen of the dynamics, the humor, the conversations, and the relationships between a group of long time guy friends. Here’s a hint ladies….don’t over think it.
11. Fringe (Last Week: 18)
OK. I admit it. I was wr…. I was wr…. I was wron…. All I’m saying is that MAYBE this show wasn’t as doomed as I made it out to be in the beginning of the season. They’ve done a nice job of staying in one universe for the most part (always a good thing in my book…in all shows), and the Peter storyline has been handled wisely thus far. I’m back on board.
12. Top Chef: Texas (Last Week: 13)
Since I last left you Top Chef: Just Desserts has ended. But fear not, for another Top Chef show was there to rise up in its’ place….like they always do. This time we’re in Texas, and this time, I’m BETTING on it! A very special thanks to my friend and fellow blogger, Erin, for bringing me into the pool of another long ago friend, Kathleen. Kathleen and her husband organize a seemingly simple pool (yet I’m sure back-ended complex) where participants select contestants and gain and lose points based on their performances in the weekly quick-fires and challenges, and of course if they move on or get asked to, “pack their knives and go home.” There’s not many things I love more than TV, but finding ways to bet on TV is probably one of those not many things.
13. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 11)
Every single crime in the city of New York is still being handled by every single member of the Reagan clan. I’m just saying.
14. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 17)
This show just finale’d, so it will be leaving the poll after this week. With that being said, this is just a solid, mindless, frat-humor show. It even ventured into some smart satirical territory this year by mocking the NCAA and all its’ corrupt hypocrisy in a late season episode. Players are graduating this year and next, so it will be interesting to see where it goes from here. Of course it doesn’t really matter since it certainly can’t be going anywhere as I can’t even imagine the circumstances that would need to transpire for Spike to actually cancel a show.
15. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 14)
FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, IT’S THE NAME OF YOUR GODDAMN SHOW!!!! HOW LONG!!!!! HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO DRAW THIS OUT!!!! DON’T BE AFRAID…YOU CAN HAVE MORE EPISODES AFTER WE FIND OUT WHO “YOUR MOTHER” IS!!!! AND I KNOW YOU’RE JUST GOING TO START TEASING IT AGAIN 2 OR 3 EPISODES BEFORE THIS SEASON’S FINALE TO DRAW THIS WHOLE THING OUT FOR YET ANOTHER YEAR…BUT I MEAN….COME ON!!!!! OK, I will now release the caps lock. I feel better. Sorry and thank you.
16. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 21)
In case you were wondering, Junior was the talent at OCC. I’m sure there are only 2 of you (maybe 3) who actually watch this show, but I’m just saying…Junior is the talent on this show.
17. Hung (Last Week: 25)
I have finally caught up with this show (for the most part anyway, I think I’m one episode behind right now), and I have to say….it’s not bad. Although I’ve never actually “liked” this show and have really just watched it by accident for a couple of seasons (I’m not even sure if this is season 2 or 3), it seems to have found its’ way for the time being. I’m digging the “Ray being replaced by a younger dude” (and shockingly enough, I actually knew Ray’s name off the top of my head), and I’m loving the pimp wars with the newly featured role for Charlie (OK….I had to look that one up on IMDB). In a weak poll at a weak time of year, this show should be fine until it wraps its’ season up. Damn HBO and their short seasons!
18. Whitney (Last Week: 24)
I’ve come to the conclusion that this show has about a one in three hit rate. For a couple of weeks the show will be average at best, and then that third show will be genuinely funny. The key for this show is that it’s only a half hour and it’s really never painfully bad. And apparently in this week’s poll, all of those things add up to a spot at number 18. How much longer until the midseason replacements?
19. Dexter (Last Week: 8 )
I don’t want to be the one to say I told you so….aw hell, who are we kidding? Of course I want to be the one to say I told you so! I TOLD YOU SO!!!! Welcome to the world of way-to-early spoilers with Scott! OF COURSE that Edward James Olmos looking dude was dead and not there! Come on people…I NEVER get these things wrong! The bigger issue of course is that he was dead and not there and in the show. As is Harry. And as is Rudy. There are just too many dead people walking around and conversing, and what’s more, there are simply too many serial killers that happen into Dexter’s life. I care less and less about this show every week.
20. The Office (Last Week: 16)
How many episodes can we find a reason for Andy to sing? If you answered EVERY episode, congratulations…you WIN! But really, we all lose for having this show live 2 or 3 years too long. Every week just makes me miss Michael Scott more and more. And what’s more, every week last season made me miss Michael Scott more and more…and he was actually still on the show then.
21. House (Last Week: 19)
Speaking of shows that should have probably ended a couple of years ago.
22. American Horror Story (Last Week: 20)
How many murders can occur in one house? Better yet, how many different murders can occur in clichéd different eras in the same house but yet by different killers every single time? You can all thank Kate for making me watch this show by osmosis. And by osmosis I mean I am generally in the room as she desperately hopes against hope for this show to find its’ footing. And by in the room, I mean I am present and half watching…or maybe even a third…or probably closer to like a sixth. I don’t like the notion that people could move into this house without knowing about its’ history. For Christ’s sake there’s been an annual murder spree there for seemingly the last 90 years! And the fact that a school assassin could have been killed in this house and no one would know about that or even the fact that a school murder spree happened in that town is simply too much for me to accept. If I told you were moving into Columbine, CO…exactly.
23. Beavis & Butthead (Last Week: 6)
Meet the TVpocalypse Top 25’s biggest faller. 17 spots to be exact. When last we discussed this show I explained to you that I was supremely disappointed in the first show, and that I hadn’t yet brought myself to watching the second show for fear that I would realize that I’ve somehow left adolescent Scott and his sense of humor behind. Well, fast forward 4 weeks and I haven’t yet brought myself to watching episode 3…or episode 4…or episode 5. Fare thee well fart jokes.
24. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 23)
I keep waiting for the mood to strike me where I’m going to want to power through my DVR stockpile on this show. I’m still waiting. Every time I catch a glimpse of the show it scares me. I’ve seen Elizabeth Hurley. And she’s talking to Nate. And I’m pretty sure they’ve hooked up/are hooking up/will hook up. And I’m pretty sure I don’t like how that makes me feel as she is old enough to be his grandmother.
25. Pan Am (Last Week: 22)
It’s been 4 weeks, and there’s still talk that this show might get cancelled. So much so that one of the stars of the show (go ahead, I dare you to be able to name one of the “stars” of this show) tweeted that she was told that they wouldn’t be returning after the holidays. ABC has since denied this report, but really, who cares? I’ll tell you when this show lost me (probably for good). There was an episode when we delve into Ted’s past and how it landed him in the co-pilot’s seat (Before you say anything, you should know that I had to IMDB Ted’s name. And before you go saying anything else you should know that, yes, I have made IMDB a verb.). There was a supposed high drama flashback scene where Ted is standing in front of a military court defending his actions in an accident involving his aircraft. What came out of these proceedings is really unimportant. What is important is that it reminded me of two things. The first was the scene from Top Gun where Maverick is standing in front of a similar Navy tribunal for his role in poor Goose’s death. And the second was the military courtroom scenes involving Ted Striker in Airplane 2. I don’t know that either would really strike the dramatic chord I’m sure the writers were looking for, but the similarities were downright uncanny. “Over Macho Grande? No…I’m afraid I’ll never be over Macho Grande.”
And that my friends is 3,124 words of pent-up TV blogging.
Forgive me readers, for I have sinned, it has been 11 days since my last post. As penance for my sins I will watch back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice. I actually won’t (I don’t know that any man’s sin deserves such a vicious punishment). Besides, the delay was done as a favor to all of my friends who have been in the dark (literally) due to the ridiculousness that is an October snowstorm followed by more than a week without power. If PSE&G couldn’t get your power back, then Goddamnit I’m not going to rub your collective noses in it by giving out spoilers and regaling you with tales of hours and hours of TV watching in the warmth of my fully electrified apartment (or whatever you call an apartment that has power). That would just be mean. And on top of all that, let me assure you, you weren’t the only ones suffering.
Four days. Four days without power. More importantly, four days without TV. Yes, I know. There are those of you who went without running water (not to mention hot water). And you sat in total darkness. And you couldn’t cook. And your kids were doing homework on a table at Friendly’s. OK, so maybe you have a gripe or six. But I didn’t have TV!
So now with about 99% of my readership back in power (or those who remembered I have a blog and remembered to check back in at the site anyway), I have fought through all that Mother Nature put in front of me and have all but caught up on a week’s worth of too-much-TV in about half a week. No half-assed CP&L excuses coming from this guy. Oh, the things I do for all of you. You’re welcome.
The Unwatched List
For all intents and purposes, a TVpocalypse has ravaged the TVpocalypse. While I have done my best to rally through the storm, there are definitely shows that were left behind…for the time being anyway. For whatever reason, there seems to be a whole bunch of Gossip Girl piling up. And by whole bunch, I mean 5 episodes. Not a good sign for sure. This show is a notoriously slow starter that somehow always seems to end with a bang at the end of the season. Maybe I’m just subconsciously waiting for that. Or maybe I’m just maturing beyond the level of a 14 year-old girl. It’s probably the first one.
There’s also a Whitney (stunning, I know), and a Beavis & Butthead (I’m not sure what to make of this. I’ll chalk it up to yet another thing that got “lost in the storm”. Don’t worry…we shall overcome.). Miraculously enough, I have powered through the stockpile on my now infamous bedroom DVR (It’s a TVpocalypse miracle!), so I have a feeling the new poll will reflect that.
The Worst Episode of the Week
Beavis & Butthead (Werewolves of Highland/Crying)
Maybe I just built it up too much. Or maybe the show hasn’t hit its’ groove yet (it has been more than 10 years). Or maybe time has passed this show by. Or maybe I’ve just matured beyond the level of a14 year-old boy (again, probably not the latter). But for whatever reason, I was not blown away by the return of one of my all-time favorite shows. By no means am I quitting on Mr. Judge, but I’ve definitely adjusted my expectations for this show. As you can see, it’s been an extremely eventful couple of weeks as I have seemingly grown out of both my male and female adolescence. Fear not though dear readers, for I promise to do everything in my power to make sure I emotionally regress again. That’s just the type of blogger I am. You’re welcome. Again.
1. Homeland (Last Week: 1)
In a week littered with no-shows, this show was as solid as ever. I literally can’t wait to see what happens next. This is one of those rare shows where they over-deliver every week, which is incredible seeing as how the scenes from next week have me chomping at the bit for next Sunday the second they end.
2. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 2)
Jimmy and Robert scalped someone this week. And it make perfect sense that they would. That’s how good the writing on this show is right now.
3. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 4)
Speaking of shows that are on a roll….it seems like they are killing a major character or setting the table to kill one every week in Charming. Of course now that I’ve FINALLY caught up with this show and it’s on an incredible run, I’m about to lose FX thanks to the good folks at DirecTV. As if it wasn’t hard enough to keep up with 25 shows on my DVR, now I’m going to have to find bootleg versions of a half a dozen shows online. Good times.
4. The Walking Dead (Last Week: 3)
A little bit slow last week, and I have to be honest, I need more walkers.
5. Modern Family (Last Week: 5)
6. Beavis & Butthead (Last Week: NR)
Out with Jersey Shore and in with a classic that is near and dear to my heart. For the young’uns who make up a large contingent of this blog’s readership, I don’t think it’s possible to overstate the greatness of this show. And the fact that it’s animated (no actors to get old), and that it has Mike Judge on board still (no half-assed attempt to bring it back again…I’m talking to you 90210), means that you can in fact get a second chance in life. Throw in the fact that the boys now have all of the rich content of MTV’s “finest” reality programming to comment on and you might very well have the perfect storm for TV gold.
7. Happy Endings (Last Week: 6)
8. Dexter (Last Week: 7)
I have to be honest, this show is about to drop in the rankings. There are just too many ridiculous elements in this show right now. First of all, Debra’s the lieutenant. Wasn’t she backdooring her way to detective like a year ago? Isn’t she the loose cannon who, while she does a good job, certainly does not play the political games that are required to move up the ranks in the police department (if you have any friends who are “on the job”, you know what I’m talking about). My second issue is just how many serial killers can one city have in such a short amount of time? Yep, exactly….not this many.
On a completely side note, I’m going to do to all of you what I do to my girlfriend at the movies and during TV shows all the time (keep it clean people!)….I’m going to attempt to call out a very obvious plot line (that the writers think is super slick) and thus potentially ruin the show for you. I have no inside information, this is entirely based on my own hunch. Of course this hunch is born out of 37 years of relentless TV watching and movie going…so it obviously has merit. Lucky for you, unlike Kate, you have your warning. Skip ahead to the next show if you do not want to know that the old professor following Colin Hanks around does not in fact exist. You shouldn’t be reading this if you don’t want to know that he is merely a figment of his imagination similar to Dexter and Harry. Of course if you did just read this you can now consider this season of Dexter ruined for you! And welcome to the frustration that is living with me!!
9. Up All Night (Last Week: 12)
A flashback episode this early in a show’s existence could have been a disaster….but this episode was fantastic. It seems like this show is getting better every week.
10. Parenthood (Last Week: 11)
11. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 9)
12. The X Factor (Last Week: 10)
FOX and the World Series that no one is watching is wreaking havoc on my X Factor allegiance. Nice job FOX.
13. Top Chef: Just Desserts (Last Week: 13)
14. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 14)
15. The League (Last Week: 15)
Thank you again FX and DirecTV.
16. The Office (Last Week: 16)
Yet another show with no new episode.
17. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 17)
18. Fringe (Last Week: 18)
And yet another show with no new episode.
19. House (Last Week: 19)
And yet another show with no new episode. World Series fever….CATCH IT!!!
20. American Horror Story (Last Week: 20)
Major post coming on this tomorrow….consider yourself teased.
21. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 23)
22. Pan Am (Last Week: 21)
There’s talk that this show might get cancelled. There’s also talk that I don’t know if I care too much beyond the fact that I will now have to go and find yet another show to enter the TVpocalypse Top 25.
23. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 22)
24. Whitney (Last Week: 24)
And , yes, you guessed it…another show with no new episode.
25. Hung (Last Week: 25)
Goddamn bedroom DVR.
A very weak week in TV made for a very weak Weekend Rally…which is just weak. FOX essentially cancelled all original programming in lieu of a World Series that no one is watching. And for whatever reason, NBC seemed to follow suit as not only did they not put a new The Office on, but they couldn’t even bother to throw me a bone with a new Whitney (I know how heartbroken the rest of you must be). The upside to that is that I’m pretty well caught up on most of my 25 shows.*
The Unwatched List*
I just mentioned that I am all but caught up on my shows. This is only partially true. I am all but caught up on all my shows that are recorded on my living room DVR. The problem is, I have 25 shows to record, so there are inherently going to be conflicts. And this is where the bedroom DVR comes into play. There are about 2 or 3 shows that I am recording on my second DVR. The problem is I need to lie down in bed to watch these shows. And the problem with that is that I only sleep a few hours a night, so when I do lie down, I generally fall asleep. So for that reason, Hung and Pan Am are suffering, as they are currently the only two shows on this week’s Unwatched List. This is not as much an indictment on these shows as it is on my God awful sleeping habits.
Worst Episode of the Week
Jersey Shore (Ciao Italia, Season Finale)
I mentioned in last week’s TVpopcalypse Top 25 that I was beyond excited for this finale. I wanted to see lots of gym’ing. I wanted to see lots of tanning. Hell, I even wanted to see lots of laundry’ing. Instead, I saw yet another episode of a depressed Situation, going from club to club looking to pick fights with any and all Euro-trash comers. This might have been ok had the rest of the roomies done one of two things:
The “Good” Finale:
The beloved guidos uniting for one last USA “Italians” versus Real Italians in an epic battle that would somehow result in any and all of the cast being deported from the country. That would have been good.
The “Great” Finale:
The Situation gets into an actual fight at the club….but still gets no back-up. He would then come home to the apartment and lose it on Ronnie for “not having my back bro”. Ronnie and Situation would then fight. Then Sammy would jump in trying to stop it. Then Ronnie and Sammy would start fighting because he was mad that she’s making him look soft (and because he’s on enough steroids to kill a horse). Sammy would hit Ronnie, and Ronnie would then throw all of her clothes and furniture into the street (except the bed, because by this time Deena was smushing a roofied and nearly unconscious Pauly D in their bed since she was inexplicably turned on by all of this guido fighting). That would have been a truly great finale. I think the “writers” dropped the ball on this one.
Instead we got depressed whining and an hour-long set-up for the next season of Jersey Shore at Seaside Heights. Actually, as I watched, I began to realize I was pretty much done with this show, and that at some level I was actually happy to see it ending. I rationalized that Jersey Shore had run its’ course. And while I knew it would be coming back for one last season at Seaside, I felt as though I was bidding a final farewell to the Jersey Shore. Unlike The Situation, I would not be joining them in Seaside (stunning that he’s going, right?!). And then I saw this…
So, obviously, I’m all in for next season. Hello, my name is Scott, and I’m addicted to God-awful, superficial, shallow TV.
1. Homeland (Last Week: 4)
As you’ll notice, there’s a major shakeup at the top of the rankings this week. And at the urging of Erin, my friend and fellow blogger, I’ve decided that three episodes is enough of a sample size to go on the record and declare this the best show on TV (or at least the best show on the TVpocalypse 25). As is always the case, it comes down to the DVR. There is not a more jam packed night on my frenetic TV viewing schedule than Sunday night, and this show is always the one I’m looking most forward to. As I measure which show I will watch first, I realize that I’m always a little disappointed when I realize Homeland doesn’t go on until 10pm so I can’t watch it first. I literally can’t wait to see what happens next.
2. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 2)
3. The Walking Dead (Last Week: 23)
This is one of those rare cases where, despite months and months of media overhype and over-the-top word of mouth endorsements, this show didn’t only live up to the hype…it exceeded it. I am not a horror movie fanatic, nor am I a comic book maven, so it’s not like this is a show that is pandering to me. It’s just that this show is that good. Similar to Boardwalk Empire, this show just seems to standout to a point where it’s always unfair to compare it to other mere mortal TV shows. I don’t know that it’s one of the perks of doing good TV on cable instead of network TV, but this is more like a weekly movie-going experience as opposed to a TV show. The moment I finished the sixth and final episode of season one, I was counting the moments until the season two premiere.
4. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 3)
5. Modern Family (Last Week: 1)
It’s not that this show has been bad lately, it’s just that the other shows have been that good.
6. Happy Endings (Last Week: 17)
Alright, so I mentioned in The Weekend Rally that this was one of the shows that I rallied big time on and completely caught up with. After pouring through about 6 episodes this weekend, I have one simple question, “How the hell is this show not bigger than it is?!” Six friends. Great banter. Plenty of inside joke-ish references for those of who are children of the 70’s. And a major point of tension that runs throughout every episode…will Alex and Dave every get back together again? Sound familiar? Yep, this show is essentially Friends before that show jumped the shark with Ross and Rachel part 87. Get on board people….this is good stuff!
7. Dexter (Last Week: 5)
Similar situation to Modern Family. I’m not hating on Dexter, but I’m not loving on him either. There are just too many crazy-good dramas on TV right now to have this show (in its’ current state) rate any higher.
8. Jersey Shore (Last Week: 6)
Season finale coming this week, and a possible farewell to our current cast of guidos. So it goes without saying that I have some pretty high hopes for this one.
9. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 8 )
10. The X Factor (Last Week: 7)
Remember when I told you last week that I am now officially looking forward to seeing what happens next on this show. Well, I still am. Thanks FOX.
11. Parenthood (Last Week: 10)
12. Up All Night (Last Week: 12)
13. Top Chef: Just Desserts (Last Week: 11)
14. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 9)
15. The League (Last Week: 14)
16. The Office (Last Week: 16)
17. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 15)
18. Fringe (Last Week: 18)
I’m back in. Another couple of solid episodes and this could start climbing again. I’m just hoping they don’t botch this Peter return.
19. House (Last Week: 20)
I might have a better idea on this had I been allowed to watch episode two. Thank you one more time FOX.
20. American Horror Story (Last Week: 24)
Much improvement from episode one into episode two, but I still have reservations. I’m sure you’ll be surprised to hear that I have a theory on this. More to come on this one later in the week.
21. Pan Am (Last Week: 13)
I’m a bit confused as to what this show is trying to be. Let’s put it this way, with 24 off the air, this is not the show I’m looking to sate my international spy games fix. Apparently, the show’s writers don’t entirely see it that way. That’s a bit unsettling. Again, I have a theory on this. And again, more to come on this one later in the week.
22. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 19)
23. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 25)
Someone needs to prove to me that Discovery did not in fact have an actual role in manufacturing this Senior vs. Junior riff. Without this storyline, the show would have been cancelled 2 years ago. It’s almost sad (says the guy writing this post while watching said exploitative show).
24. Whitney (Last Week: 22)
One of these days, you’re all going to fall in love with Whitney and you’ll have me to thank for discovering a show that you normally wouldn’t have considered. Either that or NBC will cancel it in January. Either one….but more likely the latter than the former.
25. Hung (Last Week: 21)
Wouldn’t be the worst idea if I actually got around to watching one of these episodes.
Others to Watch: Person of Interest (Still piling up on my DVR)
1. Modern Family (Last Week: 1)
2. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 4)
Finally. After a couple of weeks of watching Nucky stagger around the ring waiting for someone to just knock him out, he finally seems to have found his footing. Bolstered by Margaret coming to his side as a more legitimately recognized partner (in crime), Nucky finally seems willing to stave off his empire from collapsing around him.
It started with the “thanks for nothing” conversation he had with Harry Daughtery (aka Shooter McGavin) as he was unable to collect on his favor of burying the news of President Harding’s love child. But his return to the old Nucky was made official when he made his way over to the Commodore’s table to put him and Jimmy in their respective places. The only thing better than the “I will ruin you….ALL of you!” declaration (yes, Jimmy, that means you too), was the “He never even asked her name… he just pointed to the one he wanted” line he dished as he left the table.
So, Jimmy, here’s what Nucky would like you to take away from that little exchange. A.) He’s going to ruin you, B.) Your mom’s a whore, C.) Your dad (who’s sitting right there) knew she was a whore, and D.) He actually chose to be with her BECAUSE she was a whore. I almost got up and cheered. Almost. I mean to actually get up would have required a physical effort of some sort and that pretty much defeats the purpose of watching 25 TV shows at once.
3. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 3)
4. Homeland (Last Week: 5)
Still my pick for best new show this year. I do not regret the top 5 debut at all.
5. Dexter (Last Week: 2)
6. Jersey Shore (Last Week: 6)
7. The X Factor (Last Week: 11)
I am now officially looking forward to seeing what happens next on this show.
8. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 8 )
9. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 9)
10. Parenthood (Last Week: 10)
There are some actresses who drive me nuts by doing the same thing over and over again in every role they take (see the Maya Rudolph rant a couple of lines below). Yet for some reason I always seem to like Lauren Graham. She continues to play that 30-something who is equal parts mom and friend to her children all the while partaking in run-on banter that somehow seems very real and very contrived all at once (says the guy who just rattled off a 5-line sentence). She did it for years in Gilmore Girls and it seems like she’s found that very same groove again, especially when she shares scenes with Mae Whitman (her daughter Amber). And for whatever reason, I’m good with that. For me, the way she has portrayed her character’s relationships with the rest of the family is largely responsible for the genuine likability of the Braverman clan.
11. Top Chef: Just Desserts (Last Week: 12)
12. Up All Night (Last Week: 14)
I have come to the conclusion that it is literally impossible to have too much Will Arnett in a show. This show lags a bit when he is not on the screen, and it actively suffers when they focus too much on Maya Rudolph playing the exact same character we’ve seen her play in every SNL skit she’s ever been as well as that train wreck of a movie some of you call Bridesmaids. So, for those of you scoring at home, I don’t like Maya Rudolph all too much.
13. Pan Am (Last Week: 13)
14. The League (Last Week: 15)
15. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 16)
16. The Office (Last Week: 18)
17. Happy Endings (Last Week: 21)
18. Fringe (Last Week: 22)
19. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 19)
20. House (Last Week: 20)
21. Hung (Last Week: 23)
22. Whitney (Last Week: NR)
And cue the angry posts in the comments section. All I can say is that I watched the third episode. It wasn’t as good as the first, and it wasn’t as bad as the second. The inclusion of this show into the Top 25 is all in the numbers. This is the TVpocalypse Top 25. Not the Top 24, and certainly not the Top 23. With the Housewives departing and Jersey Shore not too far behind, I need inventory people.
23. The Walking Dead (Last Week: 25)
Big The Walking Dead rally coming this weekend. I’ll be knocking out the entire first season before the season 2 premiere on Sunday night.
24. American Horror Story (Last Week: NR)
I had relatively high hopes for this show…and then it aired. I have theories (shocking, I know), but I’m going to hold back on the full-on 1000 diatribe until I get a second viewing.
25. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 24)
Buh-bye: The Playboy Club (sniffle, sniffle), The Real Housewives of NJ
Other’s to Watch: Person of Interest (Jersey Shore ends soon, and beggars can’t be choosers. Plus, the entire season is still sitting piled up on my DVR)
1. Modern Family (Last Week: 1)
2. Dexter (Last Week: 4)
Dexter is back…and it came out flying. Colin Hanks’ character was utterly creepy from second he walked on screen, and the dueling faith/religion storylines seem like a really interesting place for this show to play this season. And from what was shown in the original crime scene (not to mention from the crime scenes shown in the season’s upcoming scenes), the depraved/warped factor of Travis Marhsall’s (Colin Hanks) MO is off the charts. Which is a good thing in my book (not really sure what that says about me).
3. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 3)
4. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 2)
This. Show. Has. Been. (Pause). A. (Pause). Little. Bit. Slow. (Pause). (Pause). Thus. (Pause). What was I saying? Oh yeah…Far.
5. Homeland (Last Week: NR)
You will see throughout the course of these new rankings that the Whitney effect has wreaked havoc with my ability to trust my judgment. With that being said, this show was SO good that, unlike some of the other promising shows I’ve only seen one episode of, I’m all in on this one. Amazing cast. An ingenious story line. And a collection of flawed, yet compelling characters. Throw in a Band of Brothers connection….and you have a recipe for a top 5 show. The episode alone had it’s hooks in me from the word go, but when I saw the scenes from the upcoming season…it was borderline unfair. Besides, when have I been wrong about a show after watching just one episode? Don’t answer that.
6. Jersey Shore (Last Week: 5)
7. Real Housewives of New Jersey (Last Week: 6)
I still have On Display rattling through my head. I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
8. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 8 )
9. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 7)
10. Parenthood (Last Week: 10)
11. The X Factor (Last Week: 9)
Let me reiterate, four hours of almost any show in one week is a bit much. But with that being said, I’m withholding a final verdict until this show gets beyond the auditions. Up until this point, this has essentially been an Idol knockoff. Apparently though, the format of the show gets much different once we get to the Idol equivalent of Hollywood week. We’ll see…
12. Top Chef: Just Desserts (Last Week: 11)
13. Pan Am (Last Week: 15)
Due to the now infamous Whitney episode, I’m trying not to get excited by one episode these days, but this was pretty f’n good. The whole CIA/MI5 storyline was completely unexpected. Nothing in any of the previews gave even a hint of this show being anything more than some romanticized period show that was a borderline Mad Men knockoff. But it seems like this might actually be more than that. Might.
14. Up All Night (Last Week: 12)
15. The League (Last Week: 13)
16. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 14)
17. The Playboy Club (Last Week: 21)
Textbook guilty pleasure. It’s a modern day Melrose Place….and I mean that in the best possible way.
18. The Office (Last Week: 17)
I’m thinking that last season set the bar so low for this show that I’m not fully aware of this season’s mediocrity.
19. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 18)
20. House (Last Week: 17)
The season premiere is airing tonight, but I’ve decided to go ahead and drop this show a few spots based on the success of some other shows that are already airing, as well as the sheer travesty they seem to be propagating every time they air another one of those ridiculous prison-themed spots for this season. Why do I have the funny feeling that if John Hein hadn’t already invented Jump the Shark, we would be talking about shows that House Went to Prison’ed?
21. Happy Endings (Last Week: 22)
I finally watched an episode of this show. I liked it. Of course, I also liked the first episode of a certain show about certain comedienne that I watched, and I think we all know how that turned out. I’ll be coming back, but I’ve learned my lesson for sure. We’re in a probationary period still.
22. Fringe (Last Week: 24)
Just because it didn’t die this week, doesn’t mean I’m all the way back on board. They better get Peter out of that mirror or I’m going to start get pissy again.
23. Hung (Last Week: 20)
This week’s premiere episode is still sitting unwatched on my bedroom DVR (the back-up DVR). I realize it’s only Monday and there’s a Yankee game on right now, but I’m just saying.
24. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 19)
How many times can one man watch almost the identical bike build out on a weekly basis? The Teutel’s either need to throw down in a steel cage match or end this show.
25. The Walking Dead (Last Week: NR)
Thanks to last week’s poll, I have officially downloaded season 1 of this show so that I may properly ramp up for this coming season. THANK GOD! I was beginning to get worried that I didn’t have enough things to watch.
Buh-bye: Harry’s Law, Person of Interest
Other’s to Watch: American Horror Story
We are now in full swing for the fall season, and that means that Sunday night TV makes for one helluva marathon Weekend Rally. Five and a half hours of shows to power through, and I have somehow justified that I should really make every effort to watch all of them tonight. I can’t see how that would be a bad idea. So with that in mind, I’ve taken to writing this post as I watch my TV. No worries kids, I’m a professional. My ADHD lends itself perfectly to writing a TV watching/Facebook checking/Diet Coke drinking /Get Glue-ing/Tweeting-fueled new post for the TVpocalypse blog.
So with that, I give you a rapid fire representation of my stream of consciousness as it relates to the past couple of days of TV. How is this different than any other post you ask? Well, it’s not too different actually…but this one will have bullets!!
• First of all, I’d like to thank those of you who took the time to weigh in and vote on the inaugural TVpocalypse Queue Poll. It seems as though 25 shows really isn’t enough, and I will no doubt have a couple of new entries on the TVpocalypse Top 25…and then some. Be sure to check back tomorrow to see the latest and greatest poll (yet another shameless plug than you every much).
• And while I never had any intention of this blog being anything more than my seemingly incoherent musings on my obsessive TV habits, never mind a new breaking outlet, tonight I simply can’t help myself. CUE THE BREAKING NEWS SCREEN GRAPHIC AND THEME MUSIC!!! Arrested Development is BACK! And not only a movie, but 10 episodes to catch up with the Bluth’s and lead into the long-awaited movie (coming early 2013….ugh). And TMZ said it’s true…so you know it HAS to be real. Plus, Will Arnett later confirmed it on Twitter. To say that I’m excited would be an understatement in the neighborhood of saying Tony Romo seems to have some issues late in games in a big spot. I now have two hopes. One is that the ratings on these episodes go through the roof so FOX will be forced to bring them back for many, many, many more seasons. And two is that Dr. Tobias Funke has his Analrapist practice up and running.
• I might have been slightly dramatic in posting my Fringe obituary. While I still miss both the Peter/Olivia and Peter/Walter dynamic (not to mention the Olivia/Walter dynamic), I will admit that the second episode was a marked improvement over the first one. Consider the deathwatch called off. I’m giving Fringe a stay of execution.
• As I sit here watching Real Housewives NJ, awaiting the long-teased On Display performance, I have come to the realization that if someone were to tell me that Caroline snapped and killed Teresa on this Punta Cana trip….I wouldn’t necessarily not believe it.
• OK, I just watched the afore mentioned On Display performance. Ummmm….a-maz-ing. The pre-performance prayer to her father and to baby Jesus (out loud for the cameras….of course). The lip-syncing, which begs to be examined. In my mind, Melissa lip-synced for one of two reasons. She either bombed the sound check so bad that they said, “no f’n way you’re singing live, we’re putting a track on for the performance”, OR she bombed the performance so bad that she said “no f’n way your airing that horrific sound on the show” and had Bravo place the track over it. Either way, it’s off the charts hysterical. Big season finale next week! Say it loud and say it proud, “YOU’RE MY F#$%N FATHER!”
The Unwatched List
Just a reminder for the newbies, the Unwatched List is the list of shows which remain on my DVR unwatched at the end of the week. If a show remains unwatched by the time I go to bed on a Sunday night, odds are it won’t be on the TVpocalypse Top 25 Poll for very long.
This week’s list is really a collection of two types of shows. There are those that were forgotten due to the limitations of the time space continuum (translation: there are only so many hours in a Sunday night), and there are those other shows that were simply forgotten (on purpose).
This week’s Pan Am and Hung have yet to be watched. I will get to them tomorrow for sure. Or Pan Am for sure, and Hung….probably (maybe Hung is somewhere in between the two sections of the list). As for the forgotten side of the list, no shocker there really. Harry’s Law and Person of Interest, it was nice not knowing you.
The Worst Episode of the Week
Whitney (First Date)
Remember that whole post last week about Whitney really finding it’s sweet spot and staying there, and capturing the whole guy point of view through the eyes of woman? And remember when I said this would be on the TVpocalypse Top 25 without a doubt? And remember when I said this show was good? Yeah….ummm….nevermind.
As pitch perfect as this show was in its’ pilot episode, it was the exact opposite in episode two. This show failed the laptop test worse than Vince Young failed the Wonderlic test. Nevermind popping open my laptop, if I could have gotten up from the couch and started a kitchen makeover I would have done that before watch the rest of this show with any kind of concerted effort.
I’ll give Whitney an episode or two to pull itself out of the Bridesmaids trap, but unless it does, I don’t think you guys will be hearing a whole lot about this show here at TVpocalypse.
Be sure to come back tomorrow to see this week’s TVpocalypse Top 25 Poll…I have a feeling you’ll barely recognize it from last week. Another shameless plug. Aaaaaand scene.
For those of you who follow college sports, you might consider this the “Others Receiving Votes” section of the TVpocalypse Top 25 (hence th snappy name for this post). For those who don’t follow college sports, it’s the section of the poll that features those teams who aren’t quite ready for the full on Top 25. But if one of the teams in the poll happens to slip up….then these teams will be ready to pounce.
Now pardon me, but I have a confession to make. I’ve been watching other shows. And since we’re all friends here, I’ll be honest with you….I’m beginning to like one of them. You might consider this to be a warning to all the shows that are currently in the TVpocalypse Top 25. In fact, you might say that there is one show that is on the “come”. You might actually call it an “up-and-comer”. Or that it’s “coming on hard”. Or maybe even that it’s “coming up hard from behind.” (It was just too easy. At least I spelled them all with an “o” and not a “u”.)
So now that the suspense is all but gone, let me tell you why I am on board with the new Whitney Cummings show Whitney. Actually, before we go there, let me give you some history here. I had actually made a conscious effort to NOT watch this show. It was heavily promoted (really, really, really, really, really heavily promoted), but for whatever reason, I got the stinking suspicion that every highlight shown in the promo spots would be every highlight ever. And on top of that, the highlights weren’t all that high.
But then I heard Whitney Cummings do an interview on The Howard Stern Show. And she killed. And then I remembered how much I liked her stand-up. So I decided during one of my daily 2 ½ hour, 3 state commutes to work to give her (and the show) a chance. So I watched. And I liked it. And after much consideration, I have finally come to a theory as to why.
A few months ago, I saw Bridesmaids. I hated it. I mean I really, really, really, really hated it. And here’s why. The movie didn’t know what the hell it wanted to be. The ads that got me into the theater made it seem as though this was The Hangover with women. But the movie wasn’t nearly that focused. The writers got caught in the trap of trying to please two disparate audiences — men and women. So while there were moments when the movie was The Female Hangover, (generally only when Melissa McCarthy was on the screen) there were also moments when it was 27 Dresses. And guess what? I don’t want to see 27 Dresses…not even for a moment. If I wanted to see 27 Dresses, I would have gone to see 27 Dresses. And they kept doing it. Look, look, look….we’re Dumb & Dumber….oh, no wait, we’re The Proposal. Now we’re Bachelor Party….nope, we’re Love Actually!
And this is exactly why Whitney was so good. It pretty much does one thing, and it seems to do it well. It’s a group of women who all seem to have a guy sensibility about them. That’s it. In TV terms it’s much more Dream On (how’s that for an archaic reference?) than it is Sex and the City. There’s a whole lot of sexy, tastefully tasteless innuendo, and not much in the way of snuggling and men being forced to apologize for acting like men. I’ve been racking my mind and I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anything quite like this show. Needless to say, I’m pretty much in.
Now I’m sure there are those of you out there who would say that 25 shows are plenty, and I would agree, but what if one of those shows REALLY sucks (I’m talking to you Fringe) and I would need to replace it? I felt as though I owed it to you, the TVpocalypse readership, to have a few on-deck….just in case. So I’ve been keeping my eyes open. I’ve been reading early season reviews. I’ve even been spot-viewing a show here and there (worked out well with Whitney, not so much with Whitney’s other show Two Broke Chicks). But I am just one man. So I’m asking you, my loyal 11 readers, to throw some suggestions my way. I know a couple of you have done so in the form of comments on other posts or even during conversations in person, but now I making it official. So I am pleased to announce the first-ever TVpocalypse: You Decide What I Watch promotion! Here’s how it works:
Step 1: Post a comment with a show you think I should be watching. Maybe even plead its’ case with a sentence or two.
Step 2: I’ll put up a poll featuring all of your suggestions.
Step 3: You vote for the show you think I should pick up.
Step 4: I drop Fringe like a bad habit
Step 5: I start watching your show.
It’s that easy folks. TVpocalypse — a blog that’s for the people and by the people!