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The Weekend Rally

Annyong again Arrested Development

We are now in full swing for the fall season, and that means that Sunday night TV makes for one helluva marathon Weekend Rally. Five and a half hours of shows to power through, and I have somehow justified that I should really make every effort to watch all of them tonight. I can’t see how that would be a bad idea. So with that in mind, I’ve taken to writing this post as I watch my TV. No worries kids, I’m a professional. My ADHD lends itself perfectly to writing a TV watching/Facebook checking/Diet Coke drinking /Get Glue-ing/Tweeting-fueled new post for the TVpocalypse blog.

So with that, I give you a rapid fire representation of my stream of consciousness as it relates to the past couple of days of TV. How is this different than any other post you ask? Well, it’s not too different actually…but this one will have bullets!!

• First of all, I’d like to thank those of you who took the time to weigh in and vote on the inaugural TVpocalypse Queue Poll. It seems as though 25 shows really isn’t enough, and I will no doubt have a couple of new entries on the TVpocalypse Top 25…and then some. Be sure to check back tomorrow to see the latest and greatest poll (yet another shameless plug than you every much).

• And while I never had any intention of this blog being anything more than my seemingly incoherent musings on my obsessive TV habits, never mind a new breaking outlet, tonight I simply can’t help myself. CUE THE BREAKING NEWS SCREEN GRAPHIC AND THEME MUSIC!!! Arrested Development is BACK! And not only a movie, but 10 episodes to catch up with the Bluth’s and lead into the long-awaited movie (coming early 2013….ugh). And TMZ said it’s true…so you know it HAS to be real. Plus, Will Arnett later confirmed it on Twitter. To say that I’m excited would be an understatement in the neighborhood of saying Tony Romo seems to have some issues late in games in a big spot. I now have two hopes. One is that the ratings on these episodes go through the roof so FOX will be forced to bring them back for many, many, many more seasons. And two is that Dr. Tobias Funke has his Analrapist practice up and running.

• I might have been slightly dramatic in posting my Fringe obituary. While I still miss both the Peter/Olivia and Peter/Walter dynamic (not to mention the Olivia/Walter dynamic), I will admit that the second episode was a marked improvement over the first one. Consider the deathwatch called off. I’m giving Fringe a stay of execution.

• As I sit here watching Real Housewives NJ, awaiting the long-teased On Display performance, I have come to the realization that if someone were to tell me that Caroline snapped and killed Teresa on this Punta Cana trip….I wouldn’t necessarily not believe it.

• OK, I just watched the afore mentioned On Display performance. Ummmm….a-maz-ing. The pre-performance prayer to her father and to baby Jesus (out loud for the cameras….of course). The lip-syncing, which begs to be examined. In my mind, Melissa lip-synced for one of two reasons. She either bombed the sound check so bad that they said, “no f’n way you’re singing live, we’re putting a track on for the performance”, OR she bombed the performance so bad that she said “no f’n way your airing that horrific sound on the show” and had Bravo place the track over it.  Either way, it’s off the charts hysterical. Big season finale next week! Say it loud and say it proud, “YOU’RE MY F#$%N FATHER!”

 

The Unwatched List

Just a reminder for the newbies, the Unwatched List is the list of shows which remain on my DVR unwatched at the end of the week. If a show remains unwatched by the time I go to bed on a Sunday night, odds are it won’t be on the TVpocalypse Top 25 Poll for very long.

This week’s list is really a collection of two types of shows. There are those that were forgotten due to the limitations of the time space continuum (translation: there are only so many hours in a Sunday night), and there are those other shows that were simply forgotten (on purpose).

This week’s Pan Am and Hung have yet to be watched. I will get to them tomorrow for sure. Or Pan Am for sure, and Hung….probably (maybe Hung is somewhere in  between the two sections of the list). As for the forgotten side of the list, no shocker there really. Harry’s Law and Person of Interest, it was nice not knowing you.

 

The Worst Episode of the Week
Whitney (First Date)

Remember that whole post last week about Whitney really finding it’s sweet spot and staying there, and capturing the whole guy point of view through the eyes of woman? And remember when I said this would be on the TVpocalypse Top 25 without a doubt? And remember when I said this show was good? Yeah….ummm….nevermind.

As pitch perfect as this show was in its’ pilot episode, it was the exact opposite in episode two. This show failed the laptop test worse than Vince Young failed the Wonderlic test. Nevermind popping open my laptop, if I could have gotten up from the couch and started a kitchen makeover I would have done that before watch the rest of this show with any kind of concerted effort.

I’ll give Whitney an episode or two to pull itself out of the Bridesmaids trap, but unless it does, I don’t think you guys will be hearing a whole lot about this show here at TVpocalypse.

Be sure to come back tomorrow to see this week’s TVpocalypse Top 25 Poll…I have a feeling you’ll barely recognize it from last week. Another shameless plug. Aaaaaand scene.

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This Week’s TVpocalypse Poll

Your typical Jersey Shore love story.

1. Modern Family (Last Week: 1)

2. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 2)

3. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 3)

4. Dexter (Last Week: 4)

5. Jersey Shore (Last Week: 6)
This show is just too good to ignore. There seems to have been much debate over Gianni being a TV whore who only dated Snooki to get on TV (or at least there was between the 4 people I discussed this with at work). I disagree. And I have an opinion on what really went down (shocking, I know). Gianni was not dating Snooki, he was dating Nicole. And Nicole does not go around throwing the cooka (can I get a ruling on the spelling here?) at clubs. Nicole is probably a sweet girlfriend who just happens to quietly put out like a porn star. He probably thought she was a changed little guidette. And then she threw the cooka out at that club in Florence,  and then suddenly he realized….”Jesus f’n Christ, I’m dating Snooki! What time’s the next flight to Newark?”

6. Real Housewives of New Jersey (Last Week: 7)
I have two words for you….On Display. Enough said.

7. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 11)
I’ll tell you what…I want to hate this show, but it’s too funny to truly hate it. Again, I have a theory. It’s a really funny sitcom for 28 minutes, and then they go and put the “ooooohhh….is this the mother???!?!” cherry on the top of each episode and it sucks for the last two minutes and I get all PO’d again. Nonetheless, 28 minutes of good TV will apparently move you up 4 spots in the TVpocalypse poll.

8. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 8 )

9. The X Factor (Last Week: 5)
On the upside, reports of this show being terrible were greatly exaggerated. On the downside, this model might be a bit stale. With that being said, I still have faith in Simon. Four hours might be a bit much for me, but when you throw in an I Touch Myself (a song that was almost the 1992 Bergen Catholic Senior Prom song…another story for another time) cover from a sixty-something year-old woman…it can’t be all that bad.

10. Parenthood (Last Week: 9)

11. Top Chef: Just Desserts (Last Week: 10)

12. Up All Night (Last Week: 13)

13. The League (Last Week: 14)

14. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 15)
Episode two was all about sexting. And by sexting I mean it dealt with the specifics about how to take good pics of one’s junk, how to effectively frame it for the best reaction, and of course determining whether or not to attribute your face to it. I’m not joking. I couldn’t be, because you can’t make this up. And that would be why I watch.

15. Pan Am (Last Week: 16)

16. The Office (Last Week: 17)
Andy’s the boss, and Spader is still around. Not exactly stunning, but it was probably the best case scenario. It’ll be interesting to see if they can get their mojo back.

17. House (Last Week: 18)

18. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 21)

19. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 22)

20. Hung (Last Week: 23)

21. The Playboy Club (Last Week: 25)
It’s not that I loved this show, but I tell you what, I didn’t hate it. This show is such a train wreck that it begs to be watched. I have some very definitive thoughts on this show, but I want to give it one more viewing before I go on a full-on rant (how’s that for a tease?).

22. Happy Endings (Last Week: 24)
Didn’t air and episode and I still haven’t seen more than 6 minutes of this show, yet somehow it creeps up 2 spots… 

23. Person of Interest (Last Week: 19)
…and this would be the somehow. Welcome to the Mendoza Line. If you are at or below this line, you are officially in trouble of falling off the TVpocalypse Top 25. This show was even on The Unwatched List, but the only thing that could keep and Unwatched List show from being at the bottom of the poll would be….

24. Fringe (Last Week: 12)
…a disastrous season premiere from a show that needed a really, really good one. In case you missed it.

25. Harry’s Law (Last Week: 20)
What is this show about again?

The Weekend Rally

Olivia and Olivia. Of course.

Olivia and Olivia. Of course.

Introducing the recurring theme for my weekend-end posts. You see, with 25 shows (and then some) on the docket and a mere 120 hours of potential viewing during the week (less if you include work), the Weekend Rally is what makes the TVpocalypse a possibility.

So until someone decides to fire up and offer me some sort of a revenue stream based on my abnormal television habit, my weekends have become a DVR binge that is essential in keeping up with what at times seems to be every show currently on the air. But more than just catching up, I have found that the Weekend Rally is possibly the best litmus test for my feelings towards the shows in the TVpocalypse Top 25. Basically, if you’re a show and you’re sitting on my DVR on Sunday night when I go to bed, it’s pretty safe to say that I’m none to excited about you (not really sure how you, the reader, would become a show really…but I think you get the point). So, with that theory in mind, I give you the inaugural edition of….

 

The Unwatched List
This week, of the 25 shows in the poll, 19 had new episodes. Of those 19 shows, two remain on my DVR unwatched. Harry’s Law. Person of Interest. Congratulations, you’re officially on the “watch” list for not being watched. The new poll will be revealed tomorrow, and it’s pretty safe to assume these two will probably be creeping south.

If these were the shows that I chose not to watch, this next weekly award is for the show that I only WISH I chose not to watch. With that, I give you the….

 

Worst Episode of the Week

Fringe (Neither Here Nor There)
Generally, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I judge my disinterest in an episode by the amount of time I remain buried in my laptop. The more I’m trolling Facebook, the less interested I am in the show…obviously. But beyond apathy, is disdain, and that is what Fringe drew out of me this week. I was flat out aggravated.

It’s never a good sign when, as you’re watching a show you think you like, you find yourself asking questions like, “What the hell is going on here?”…“Where the hell are they?”…“When the hell are they?”…and of course, “What f’n universe are they in?” This show REEKS of Lost (and in my book, that’s not a good thing…it actually may be the worst thing). It seems that J.J. Abrams is just as confused about where this show goes as he was with his other eminently hopeful, yet decidedly disappointing show.

They might as well have called this year’s season premiere a series premiere. Because by combining the two universes and creating yet ANOTHER universe, the show has essentially made viewing of the previous seasons a complete waste of your time. Suddenly characters from these previously separate universes are now thrown into the same world to establish brand new relationships (Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness that is having two Olivia’s dealing with each other in this new world). And even worse than that, they’ve seemingly made every effort to do away with any and all remnants of the relationships and inter-character dynamics that brought you in to this show to begin with. I mean, no Pacey? That’s your idea?! We only see Peter in windows and mirrors and in the reflections of his father’s television set?! That should make for some meaningful scenes between he and the rest of the cast that we’ve been watching grow together over the last 3 seasons!

So at this point, as a viewer of this show, you’re being asked to learn about a whole new cast of characters. To quote the great Ricky Watters, “FOR WHO? FOR WHAT?” “Oh yes J.J., let me go all in and learn ALL about Olivia and her new friend alternate-universe Olivia, so that come this year’s season finale you can go ahead and fuse this universe with some other universe I can’t even begin to understand so that all of this season is also rendered completely meaningless and we can do this all again next season!!!”.

In my mind, this would be the equivalent of someone taking my children away from me every year and replacing them with new kids who both have the same names as the children they replaced. And this someone has not only replaced my children with complete strangers, but is now somehow confused that I don’t love them the exact same way as I did the two little girls that I spent years getting to know and understand and love. OK, maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, if this show doesn’t make a rally of its’ own, something tells me it’s about 4 or 5 weeks away from having 4 or 5 episodes sitting unwatched on my DVR.

The TVpocalypse Pre-Season Top 25 Part 2

Stef

Rip...I mean Stef...I mean James Spader approximately an eon ago.

20. Harry’s Law (Wednesdays @ 9pm on NBC)
The only thing more ambiguous than a dime a dozen cop show, is a dime a dozen courtroom show. Apparently I missed the first season (never really heard of it), but somehow I don’t think it will be much of an issue. Yet with Kathy Bates on board I’m somewhat blindly hopeful.

It’s the TV equivalent of considering whether to take it to the next level with that stripper you’ve spoken to at the club a couple of times (I’m sure we’ve all been there before). You know the one…she’s got five kids from four dads. You know…the one with the somewhat questionable, sore-ish looking thing near her lip. You really do know it’s not a good idea. But she is stripper hot, and you think maybe — just maybe — this time it will be different. And then you allow yourself to talk yourself into it. Bad idea.

Committing to this show is a decision I pretty much know I’m going to regret sooner rather than later. And when I say sooner, I mean sooner as in 4 weeks from now when NBC unceremoniously dumps this show only after allowing me just enough of time to get fully roped in.

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19. Person of Interest (Thursdays @ 9pm on CBS)
A moment of candor (just a moment…I promise), prior to Sunday I was not planning on watching this show. And then I watched the Jets v. Jags game and Pats v. Chargers game back-to-back, and in that time I would conservatively estimate that I saw an ad/trailer/live read for Person of Interest some 492 times. That’s a conservative estimate. And despite the fact that I work in marketing, I let the CBS marketing machine have it’s way with me and now have this show locked and loaded on my DVR.

So while I do feel somewhat cheap, stupid, naive and used for allowing myself to be railroaded like this, I back into a justification by telling myself that Ben from Lost and Jesus from The Last Temptation of Christ are on the show. And you simply can’t argue with Ben and Jesus logic.

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18. House (Mondays @ 9pm on FOX)
This is the last season for House, and that might very well be the only reason I’m still there. That pretty much says it all I think.

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17. The Office (Thursdays @ 9pm on NBC)
See above, except insert The Office where it says House.

The big cliffhanger from last season will be revealed on Thursday’s season premiere….Who’s the new boss?!! And while cliffhangers are usually a good thing, there’s a slight problem with this one.  And that would be that none of the episodes with any of the new boss candidates were all that good.

I wouldn’t take it as far as saying I care who is named boss, but I think it’s more that I care who isn’t. And really, there are two candidates who I’m hoping don’t become the new Michael Scott.

The first is Will Ferrell. To fully understand the gravity of this statement, you need to understand that I love Will Ferrell. It’s not that I like some of his work, I literally love all of it. Anchorman. Talladega Nights. Step Brothers. Yes, yes, and yes. But in there lies what may be the biggest indictment of just how lost this show has become. They couldn’t even get a Will Ferrell appearance right. It just wasn’t funny.

The next candidate I don’t want to see become the new boss would be James Spader. Seeing as how I missed all of his more recent Boston Legal work, I’m just going to go ahead and call him Rip — his character’s name in Less Than Zero. And therein lies the problem. Rip is my permanent James Spader point of reference, or more precisely, all of the characters he played in that era are. Drug pushers. Entitled rich kids. Swarmy, spineless rats. That’s the James Spader I know and love. The only thing going through my mind every time I see him on screen is “She thinks your shit Stef, and deep down, you know she’s right!” As I write this, I am beginning to realize this might actually be more of a personal issue.

Anyway, it should be interesting to see where they go with this on Thursday…or maybe it won’t be…and maybe that’s why The Office is ranked 17th.

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16. Pan Am (Sundays @ 10pm on ABC)

Apparently networks other than HBO are allowed to air programming on Sunday night. I had no idea. Seriously though, who the hell at ABC thought this was a good idea?! A period drama up against HBO programming? God forbid they shave The Bachelor down to 6 hours of programming a week and get this on a weeknight, huh?

Aside from that though, I honestly don’t know a whole helluva lot about this show (of course, I won’t let that stop me from setting up a Season Pass for it). Like I said, it’s a period drama. It has Christina Ricci. And it details a gloriously romantic time in American history when air travelers didn’t have to have to pay an additional $30 for the honor of traveling with their luggage.

I’m definitely not as certain about this one as I am about The Playboy Club, but let’s just say I wouldn’t be stunned to see a whole bunch of 20/20’s in this timeslot come November.

If you haven’t be sure to check out part 1 of the TVpocalypse Pre-Season Top 25 poll and be on the lookout for part 3 tomorrow!