(The following should be yelled in your head in a frantic and desperate manner)
The return of Beavis & Butthead has been disappointing…
The X Factor makes American Idol look worse each week…
The Office stayed around about 2 years too long…
How I Met Your Mother is stretching this mother reveal out…
I’m overdue for a blog update….
(The following line should now be triumphantly yelled in your head)
THINGS THAT ARE UNDERSTATEMENTS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!!
Well, now that we’ve gotten my little $25,000 Pyramid apology out of the way, let’s get down to the business at hand. There has obviously been a lot going on across all of the TVpocalypse Top 25’s shows (shows tend to have things happen over the course of a 4 week spell), and you will see that the poll will be reflective of that. We’re also coming up to that awful time of the year (yes, the holidays) when shows end or go on sabbatical, so we’ll also need to start considering which midseason shows will be joining the poll as others fall off. So obviously we have lots to get to, so without further ado (I mean it this time), here’s this week’s TVpocalypse Top 25 poll!!
1. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 4)
I’m going to say two things about this show, that if you know me or anything about me, will help you understand just how great it’s been the last few weeks. First of all, this is the closest thing I have seen to The Sopranos in it’s prime (before the heart of the show got derailed by the untimely and unfortunate illness and eventual real-life death of the show’s matriarch, Livia). And to be honest, if I really think about it, it might even be better. The action, the storylines, the relationships around the club and the family are so perfectly interwoven. The show is just always pitch perfect, and these last 4 or 5 weeks have somehow been even better. And that leads me to my second point. This might very well be the best run for a show that I’ve ever seen. The only season I can recall where this much has happened was the final season of Six Feet Under. But that was the final season and they were going out guns blazing (might have very well been the best series finale ever…another topic for another time). But Sons just got renewed for another season (thank God) and they keep raising the stakes every week, and somehow finding a way to raise them even higher the following week. Are Bobby and Juice really going to be in jail? Who’s going to blow the whole thing up first…Tig or Ope? Is Gemma going to cripple Tara or is Tara going to cripple Gemma? Will Jax kill Clay? And is he going to finally take his rightful place at the gavel? I literally have NO idea on any of these questions….and I couldn’t be happier about it. I don’t know that I have ever been this excited for a season finale.
2. Homeland (Last Week: 1)
In any other season, at any other time, this show is number one. So many twists and turns with so many interesting characters. Every time you think you’ve figured out if he is or isn’t a sleeper cell, Brody goes and does something or says something or just looks a certain way that makes you question everything you thought you knew to be true. Claire Danes, Damien Lewis and Mandy Patinkin are brilliant, as is the writing. The show’s already been picked up for a second season, so if you haven’t already, now’s the time to get on board.
3. The Walking Dead (Last Week: 3)
This show just wrapped up the first half of the season and will not be returning until February. Ugh! How good has this show been lately you ask? Let’s put it this way, that stunt they pulled in the last episode with the little zombie girl emerging from the barn….I had no idea. I literally didn’t see that coming at all. And when I can say that, I am happy. And the only one happier than me would probably be Kate since when I am unable to ruin yet another plot twist in yet another TV show or movie, I would assume that improves the viewing experience for her as well.
3. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 2)
OK…I wimped out. It’s a tie. I can’t help it though…they’re both that good. And sadly, unlike it’s #3 brethren, this show is flat-out ending soon. But just like it’s #3 brethren, I have NO idea where we’re heading. You might be surprised to know this (or Kate might be anyway), but actually I enjoy a show or a movie so much more when I DON’T know what’s going to happen. Sadly, it just doesn’t happen all too often. I’m as curious as anyone else to see how it goes down between Nucky and the Irish versus Jimmy (who is going to be BEYOND pissed about his wife’s murder) and the Commodore. Is it Sunday night yet?
5. Modern Family (Last Week: 5)
The only reason this show is not moving up the rankings is because the shows ahead of it are literally having epic seasons. This cast reminds me of the Bluths in that it’s almost impossible to pick your favorite member of the family, and I think you all know how I feel about the Bluths.
6. Happy Endings (Last Week: 7)
Very simple. This is the best show you’re not watching. Go. Watch it. Now!
7. Parenthood (Last Week: 10)
I can’t believe that after one episode of this show I was worried about how the story arc they chose for Alex would ruin this season, and now I can’t even remember when the last time Alex was actually on the show. As you will learn, there are no guarantees on this blog. I put predictions and theories out there. Some are right, and I will write about them and brag about them for years to come. Some are not entirely right, and I will immediately dismiss them and ignore them. What were we talking about again?
8. Up All Night (Last Week: 12)
So Christina Applegate is back. As is Ed O’Neil. And Katey Segal. So the question begs to be asked. When is it time for David Faustino to be back?! I think America is ready for full-on Bundy’s renaissance! Someone get me David Faustino’s agent….wait…someone get David Faustino an agent!
9. The X Factor (Last Week: 11)
First of all, I’m a little bit concerned that this show has effectively ruined American Idol for me. But with that being said, I am loving the format, I’m loving the contestants, I’m loving the judges’ bickering…and I’m loving the drama. A couple of weeks ago fan favorite Astro finished in the bottom two and was seemingly preparing to “perform for his life”. But instead, Astro went diva….like Whitney diva. He openly questioned if he should even be forced to do this. He then went on to essentially tell off anyone and everyone in the crowd and at home who didn’t vote for him. And then went out and put a big giant stamp on it as he mailed in his performance. The truly hysterical part about all of this was that he STILL was selected by the judges to move on over the very obviously talent-deficient Stacy. Stacy was one of the older contestants and this juxtaposition of attitudes only made her desperation that much more obvious. My question is what would Astro have had to done to have been voted off by the judges? I’ve come to the conclusion that anything short of him taking a dump on the stage would have seen him being selected over Stacy to move on (and I’m not 100% certain that him taking a dump on the stage would have made a difference either).
10. The League (Last Week: 15)
Years ago HBO came out with this abomination named The Mind of the Married Man. The show was supposed to be Sex & the City for men. It was supposed to let everyone in on what went on behind closed doors when men interacted with each other and within themselves. It was supposed to give you a peek into the “mind of the married man”…hence the name. The show failed miserably, because in short, it could not have been further removed from the truth. I’ve never actually investigated it, but if I had to guess, I would say that the show was written entirely by women. And I do not mean that in any sort of offensive way. I would never attempt to write a show or a book that pretended to perfectly capture what goes on inside the head of a woman, because I would have no idea how to do that. Obviously. But where that show failed, The League succeeds. This is one of the best expressions I have ever seen of the dynamics, the humor, the conversations, and the relationships between a group of long time guy friends. Here’s a hint ladies….don’t over think it.
11. Fringe (Last Week: 18)
OK. I admit it. I was wr…. I was wr…. I was wron…. All I’m saying is that MAYBE this show wasn’t as doomed as I made it out to be in the beginning of the season. They’ve done a nice job of staying in one universe for the most part (always a good thing in my book…in all shows), and the Peter storyline has been handled wisely thus far. I’m back on board.
12. Top Chef: Texas (Last Week: 13)
Since I last left you Top Chef: Just Desserts has ended. But fear not, for another Top Chef show was there to rise up in its’ place….like they always do. This time we’re in Texas, and this time, I’m BETTING on it! A very special thanks to my friend and fellow blogger, Erin, for bringing me into the pool of another long ago friend, Kathleen. Kathleen and her husband organize a seemingly simple pool (yet I’m sure back-ended complex) where participants select contestants and gain and lose points based on their performances in the weekly quick-fires and challenges, and of course if they move on or get asked to, “pack their knives and go home.” There’s not many things I love more than TV, but finding ways to bet on TV is probably one of those not many things.
13. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 11)
Every single crime in the city of New York is still being handled by every single member of the Reagan clan. I’m just saying.
14. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 17)
This show just finale’d, so it will be leaving the poll after this week. With that being said, this is just a solid, mindless, frat-humor show. It even ventured into some smart satirical territory this year by mocking the NCAA and all its’ corrupt hypocrisy in a late season episode. Players are graduating this year and next, so it will be interesting to see where it goes from here. Of course it doesn’t really matter since it certainly can’t be going anywhere as I can’t even imagine the circumstances that would need to transpire for Spike to actually cancel a show.
15. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 14)
FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, IT’S THE NAME OF YOUR GODDAMN SHOW!!!! HOW LONG!!!!! HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO DRAW THIS OUT!!!! DON’T BE AFRAID…YOU CAN HAVE MORE EPISODES AFTER WE FIND OUT WHO “YOUR MOTHER” IS!!!! AND I KNOW YOU’RE JUST GOING TO START TEASING IT AGAIN 2 OR 3 EPISODES BEFORE THIS SEASON’S FINALE TO DRAW THIS WHOLE THING OUT FOR YET ANOTHER YEAR…BUT I MEAN….COME ON!!!!! OK, I will now release the caps lock. I feel better. Sorry and thank you.
16. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 21)
In case you were wondering, Junior was the talent at OCC. I’m sure there are only 2 of you (maybe 3) who actually watch this show, but I’m just saying…Junior is the talent on this show.
17. Hung (Last Week: 25)
I have finally caught up with this show (for the most part anyway, I think I’m one episode behind right now), and I have to say….it’s not bad. Although I’ve never actually “liked” this show and have really just watched it by accident for a couple of seasons (I’m not even sure if this is season 2 or 3), it seems to have found its’ way for the time being. I’m digging the “Ray being replaced by a younger dude” (and shockingly enough, I actually knew Ray’s name off the top of my head), and I’m loving the pimp wars with the newly featured role for Charlie (OK….I had to look that one up on IMDB). In a weak poll at a weak time of year, this show should be fine until it wraps its’ season up. Damn HBO and their short seasons!
18. Whitney (Last Week: 24)
I’ve come to the conclusion that this show has about a one in three hit rate. For a couple of weeks the show will be average at best, and then that third show will be genuinely funny. The key for this show is that it’s only a half hour and it’s really never painfully bad. And apparently in this week’s poll, all of those things add up to a spot at number 18. How much longer until the midseason replacements?
19. Dexter (Last Week: 8 )
I don’t want to be the one to say I told you so….aw hell, who are we kidding? Of course I want to be the one to say I told you so! I TOLD YOU SO!!!! Welcome to the world of way-to-early spoilers with Scott! OF COURSE that Edward James Olmos looking dude was dead and not there! Come on people…I NEVER get these things wrong! The bigger issue of course is that he was dead and not there and in the show. As is Harry. And as is Rudy. There are just too many dead people walking around and conversing, and what’s more, there are simply too many serial killers that happen into Dexter’s life. I care less and less about this show every week.
20. The Office (Last Week: 16)
How many episodes can we find a reason for Andy to sing? If you answered EVERY episode, congratulations…you WIN! But really, we all lose for having this show live 2 or 3 years too long. Every week just makes me miss Michael Scott more and more. And what’s more, every week last season made me miss Michael Scott more and more…and he was actually still on the show then.
21. House (Last Week: 19)
Speaking of shows that should have probably ended a couple of years ago.
22. American Horror Story (Last Week: 20)
How many murders can occur in one house? Better yet, how many different murders can occur in clichéd different eras in the same house but yet by different killers every single time? You can all thank Kate for making me watch this show by osmosis. And by osmosis I mean I am generally in the room as she desperately hopes against hope for this show to find its’ footing. And by in the room, I mean I am present and half watching…or maybe even a third…or probably closer to like a sixth. I don’t like the notion that people could move into this house without knowing about its’ history. For Christ’s sake there’s been an annual murder spree there for seemingly the last 90 years! And the fact that a school assassin could have been killed in this house and no one would know about that or even the fact that a school murder spree happened in that town is simply too much for me to accept. If I told you were moving into Columbine, CO…exactly.
23. Beavis & Butthead (Last Week: 6)
Meet the TVpocalypse Top 25’s biggest faller. 17 spots to be exact. When last we discussed this show I explained to you that I was supremely disappointed in the first show, and that I hadn’t yet brought myself to watching the second show for fear that I would realize that I’ve somehow left adolescent Scott and his sense of humor behind. Well, fast forward 4 weeks and I haven’t yet brought myself to watching episode 3…or episode 4…or episode 5. Fare thee well fart jokes.
24. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 23)
I keep waiting for the mood to strike me where I’m going to want to power through my DVR stockpile on this show. I’m still waiting. Every time I catch a glimpse of the show it scares me. I’ve seen Elizabeth Hurley. And she’s talking to Nate. And I’m pretty sure they’ve hooked up/are hooking up/will hook up. And I’m pretty sure I don’t like how that makes me feel as she is old enough to be his grandmother.
25. Pan Am (Last Week: 22)
It’s been 4 weeks, and there’s still talk that this show might get cancelled. So much so that one of the stars of the show (go ahead, I dare you to be able to name one of the “stars” of this show) tweeted that she was told that they wouldn’t be returning after the holidays. ABC has since denied this report, but really, who cares? I’ll tell you when this show lost me (probably for good). There was an episode when we delve into Ted’s past and how it landed him in the co-pilot’s seat (Before you say anything, you should know that I had to IMDB Ted’s name. And before you go saying anything else you should know that, yes, I have made IMDB a verb.). There was a supposed high drama flashback scene where Ted is standing in front of a military court defending his actions in an accident involving his aircraft. What came out of these proceedings is really unimportant. What is important is that it reminded me of two things. The first was the scene from Top Gun where Maverick is standing in front of a similar Navy tribunal for his role in poor Goose’s death. And the second was the military courtroom scenes involving Ted Striker in Airplane 2. I don’t know that either would really strike the dramatic chord I’m sure the writers were looking for, but the similarities were downright uncanny. “Over Macho Grande? No…I’m afraid I’ll never be over Macho Grande.”
And that my friends is 3,124 words of pent-up TV blogging.
Forgive me readers, for I have sinned, it has been 11 days since my last post. As penance for my sins I will watch back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice. I actually won’t (I don’t know that any man’s sin deserves such a vicious punishment). Besides, the delay was done as a favor to all of my friends who have been in the dark (literally) due to the ridiculousness that is an October snowstorm followed by more than a week without power. If PSE&G couldn’t get your power back, then Goddamnit I’m not going to rub your collective noses in it by giving out spoilers and regaling you with tales of hours and hours of TV watching in the warmth of my fully electrified apartment (or whatever you call an apartment that has power). That would just be mean. And on top of all that, let me assure you, you weren’t the only ones suffering.
Four days. Four days without power. More importantly, four days without TV. Yes, I know. There are those of you who went without running water (not to mention hot water). And you sat in total darkness. And you couldn’t cook. And your kids were doing homework on a table at Friendly’s. OK, so maybe you have a gripe or six. But I didn’t have TV!
So now with about 99% of my readership back in power (or those who remembered I have a blog and remembered to check back in at the site anyway), I have fought through all that Mother Nature put in front of me and have all but caught up on a week’s worth of too-much-TV in about half a week. No half-assed CP&L excuses coming from this guy. Oh, the things I do for all of you. You’re welcome.
The Unwatched List
For all intents and purposes, a TVpocalypse has ravaged the TVpocalypse. While I have done my best to rally through the storm, there are definitely shows that were left behind…for the time being anyway. For whatever reason, there seems to be a whole bunch of Gossip Girl piling up. And by whole bunch, I mean 5 episodes. Not a good sign for sure. This show is a notoriously slow starter that somehow always seems to end with a bang at the end of the season. Maybe I’m just subconsciously waiting for that. Or maybe I’m just maturing beyond the level of a 14 year-old girl. It’s probably the first one.
There’s also a Whitney (stunning, I know), and a Beavis & Butthead (I’m not sure what to make of this. I’ll chalk it up to yet another thing that got “lost in the storm”. Don’t worry…we shall overcome.). Miraculously enough, I have powered through the stockpile on my now infamous bedroom DVR (It’s a TVpocalypse miracle!), so I have a feeling the new poll will reflect that.
The Worst Episode of the Week
Beavis & Butthead (Werewolves of Highland/Crying)
Maybe I just built it up too much. Or maybe the show hasn’t hit its’ groove yet (it has been more than 10 years). Or maybe time has passed this show by. Or maybe I’ve just matured beyond the level of a14 year-old boy (again, probably not the latter). But for whatever reason, I was not blown away by the return of one of my all-time favorite shows. By no means am I quitting on Mr. Judge, but I’ve definitely adjusted my expectations for this show. As you can see, it’s been an extremely eventful couple of weeks as I have seemingly grown out of both my male and female adolescence. Fear not though dear readers, for I promise to do everything in my power to make sure I emotionally regress again. That’s just the type of blogger I am. You’re welcome. Again.
1. Homeland (Last Week: 1)
In a week littered with no-shows, this show was as solid as ever. I literally can’t wait to see what happens next. This is one of those rare shows where they over-deliver every week, which is incredible seeing as how the scenes from next week have me chomping at the bit for next Sunday the second they end.
2. Boardwalk Empire (Last Week: 2)
Jimmy and Robert scalped someone this week. And it make perfect sense that they would. That’s how good the writing on this show is right now.
3. Sons of Anarchy (Last Week: 4)
Speaking of shows that are on a roll….it seems like they are killing a major character or setting the table to kill one every week in Charming. Of course now that I’ve FINALLY caught up with this show and it’s on an incredible run, I’m about to lose FX thanks to the good folks at DirecTV. As if it wasn’t hard enough to keep up with 25 shows on my DVR, now I’m going to have to find bootleg versions of a half a dozen shows online. Good times.
4. The Walking Dead (Last Week: 3)
A little bit slow last week, and I have to be honest, I need more walkers.
5. Modern Family (Last Week: 5)
6. Beavis & Butthead (Last Week: NR)
Out with Jersey Shore and in with a classic that is near and dear to my heart. For the young’uns who make up a large contingent of this blog’s readership, I don’t think it’s possible to overstate the greatness of this show. And the fact that it’s animated (no actors to get old), and that it has Mike Judge on board still (no half-assed attempt to bring it back again…I’m talking to you 90210), means that you can in fact get a second chance in life. Throw in the fact that the boys now have all of the rich content of MTV’s “finest” reality programming to comment on and you might very well have the perfect storm for TV gold.
7. Happy Endings (Last Week: 6)
8. Dexter (Last Week: 7)
I have to be honest, this show is about to drop in the rankings. There are just too many ridiculous elements in this show right now. First of all, Debra’s the lieutenant. Wasn’t she backdooring her way to detective like a year ago? Isn’t she the loose cannon who, while she does a good job, certainly does not play the political games that are required to move up the ranks in the police department (if you have any friends who are “on the job”, you know what I’m talking about). My second issue is just how many serial killers can one city have in such a short amount of time? Yep, exactly….not this many.
On a completely side note, I’m going to do to all of you what I do to my girlfriend at the movies and during TV shows all the time (keep it clean people!)….I’m going to attempt to call out a very obvious plot line (that the writers think is super slick) and thus potentially ruin the show for you. I have no inside information, this is entirely based on my own hunch. Of course this hunch is born out of 37 years of relentless TV watching and movie going…so it obviously has merit. Lucky for you, unlike Kate, you have your warning. Skip ahead to the next show if you do not want to know that the old professor following Colin Hanks around does not in fact exist. You shouldn’t be reading this if you don’t want to know that he is merely a figment of his imagination similar to Dexter and Harry. Of course if you did just read this you can now consider this season of Dexter ruined for you! And welcome to the frustration that is living with me!!
9. Up All Night (Last Week: 12)
A flashback episode this early in a show’s existence could have been a disaster….but this episode was fantastic. It seems like this show is getting better every week.
10. Parenthood (Last Week: 11)
11. Blue Bloods (Last Week: 9)
12. The X Factor (Last Week: 10)
FOX and the World Series that no one is watching is wreaking havoc on my X Factor allegiance. Nice job FOX.
13. Top Chef: Just Desserts (Last Week: 13)
14. How I Met Your Mother (Last Week: 14)
15. The League (Last Week: 15)
Thank you again FX and DirecTV.
16. The Office (Last Week: 16)
Yet another show with no new episode.
17. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 17)
18. Fringe (Last Week: 18)
And yet another show with no new episode.
19. House (Last Week: 19)
And yet another show with no new episode. World Series fever….CATCH IT!!!
20. American Horror Story (Last Week: 20)
Major post coming on this tomorrow….consider yourself teased.
21. American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior (Last Week: 23)
22. Pan Am (Last Week: 21)
There’s talk that this show might get cancelled. There’s also talk that I don’t know if I care too much beyond the fact that I will now have to go and find yet another show to enter the TVpocalypse Top 25.
23. Gossip Girl (Last Week: 22)
24. Whitney (Last Week: 24)
And , yes, you guessed it…another show with no new episode.
25. Hung (Last Week: 25)
Goddamn bedroom DVR.