Category Archives: The Weekend Rally

The Weekend Rally…err, I mean The WEEK Rally

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned, it has been 11 days since my last post. As penance for my sins I will watch back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice. I actually won’t (I don’t know that any man’s sin deserves such a vicious punishment). Besides, the delay was done as a favor to all of my friends who have been in the dark (literally) due to the ridiculousness that is an October snowstorm followed by more than a week without power. If PSE&G couldn’t get your power back, then Goddamnit I’m not going to rub your collective noses in it by giving out spoilers and regaling you with tales of hours and hours of TV watching in the warmth of my fully electrified apartment (or whatever you call an apartment that has power). That would just be mean. And on top of all that, let me assure you, you weren’t the only ones suffering.

Four days. Four days without power. More importantly, four days without TV. Yes, I know. There are those of you who went without running water (not to mention hot water). And you sat in total darkness. And you couldn’t cook. And your kids were doing homework on a table at Friendly’s. OK, so maybe you have a gripe or six. But I didn’t have TV!

So now with about 99% of my readership back in power (or those who remembered I have a blog and remembered to check back in at the site anyway), I have fought through all that Mother Nature put in front of me and have all but caught up on a week’s worth of too-much-TV in about half a week. No half-assed CP&L excuses coming from this guy. Oh, the things I do for all of you. You’re welcome.

The Unwatched List
For all intents and purposes, a TVpocalypse has ravaged the TVpocalypse. While I have done my best to rally through the storm, there are definitely shows that were left behind…for the time being anyway.  For whatever reason, there seems to be a whole bunch of Gossip Girl piling up. And by whole bunch, I mean 5 episodes. Not a good sign for sure. This show is a notoriously slow starter that somehow always seems to end with a bang at the end of the season. Maybe I’m just subconsciously waiting for that. Or maybe I’m just maturing beyond the level of a 14 year-old girl. It’s probably the first one.

There’s also a Whitney (stunning, I know), and a Beavis & Butthead (I’m not sure what to make of this. I’ll chalk it up to yet another thing that got “lost in the storm”. Don’t worry…we shall overcome.). Miraculously enough, I have powered through the stockpile on my now infamous bedroom DVR (It’s a TVpocalypse miracle!), so I have a feeling the new poll will reflect that.

The Worst Episode of the Week
Beavis & Butthead (Werewolves of Highland/Crying)
Maybe I just built it up too much. Or maybe the show hasn’t hit its’ groove yet (it has been more than 10 years). Or maybe time has passed this show by. Or maybe I’ve just matured beyond the level of a14 year-old boy (again, probably not the latter). But for whatever reason, I was not blown away by the return of one of my all-time favorite shows. By no means am I quitting on Mr. Judge, but I’ve definitely adjusted my expectations for this show. As you can see, it’s been an extremely eventful couple of weeks as I have seemingly grown out of both my male and female adolescence. Fear not though dear readers, for I promise to do everything in my power to make sure I emotionally regress again. That’s just the type of blogger I am. You’re welcome. Again.

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The Weekend Rally

Nothing worse than a clinically depressed Guido

A very weak week in TV made for a very weak Weekend Rally…which is just weak. FOX essentially cancelled all original programming in lieu of a World Series that no one is watching. And for whatever reason, NBC seemed to follow suit as not only did they not put a new The Office on, but they couldn’t even bother to throw me a bone with a new Whitney (I know how heartbroken the rest of you must be). The upside to that is that I’m pretty well caught up on most of my 25 shows.*

The Unwatched List*
I just mentioned that I am all but caught up on my shows. This is only partially true. I am all but caught up on all my shows that are recorded on my living room DVR. The problem is, I have 25 shows to record, so there are inherently going to be conflicts. And this is where the bedroom DVR comes into play. There are about 2 or 3  shows that I am recording on my second DVR. The problem is I need to lie down in bed to watch these shows. And the problem with that is that I only sleep a few hours a night, so when I do lie down, I generally fall asleep. So for that reason, Hung and Pan Am are suffering, as they are currently the only two shows on this week’s Unwatched List. This is not as much an indictment on these shows as it is on my God awful sleeping habits.

Worst Episode of the Week
Jersey Shore (Ciao Italia, Season Finale)
I mentioned in last week’s TVpopcalypse Top 25 that I was beyond excited for this finale. I wanted to see lots of gym’ing. I wanted to see lots of tanning. Hell, I even wanted to see lots of laundry’ing. Instead, I saw yet another episode of a depressed Situation, going from club to club looking to pick fights with any and all Euro-trash comers. This might have been ok had the rest of the roomies done one of two things:

The “Good” Finale:
The beloved guidos uniting for one last USA “Italians” versus Real Italians in an epic battle that would somehow result in any and all of the cast being deported from the country. That would have been good.

The “Great” Finale:
The Situation gets into an actual fight at the club….but still gets no back-up. He would then come home to the apartment and lose it on Ronnie for “not having my back bro”. Ronnie and Situation would then fight. Then Sammy would jump in trying to stop it. Then Ronnie and Sammy would start fighting because he was mad that she’s making him look soft (and because he’s on enough steroids to kill a horse). Sammy would hit Ronnie, and Ronnie would then throw all of her clothes and furniture into the street (except the bed, because by this time Deena was smushing a roofied and nearly unconscious Pauly D in their bed since she was inexplicably turned on by all of this guido fighting). That would have been a truly great finale. I think the “writers” dropped the ball on this one.

Instead we got depressed whining and an hour-long set-up for the next season of Jersey Shore at Seaside Heights. Actually, as I watched, I began to realize I was pretty much done with this show, and that at some level I was actually happy to see it ending. I rationalized that Jersey Shore had run its’ course. And while I knew it would be coming back for one last season at Seaside, I felt as though I was bidding a final farewell to the Jersey Shore. Unlike The Situation, I would not be joining them in Seaside (stunning that he’s going, right?!). And then I saw this…

So, obviously, I’m all in for next season. Hello, my name is Scott, and I’m addicted to God-awful, superficial, shallow TV.

The Weekend Rally

Waterworld. Yep, I went there.

I took Friday off from work and, as a result, The Weekend Rally just got super-sized. So whereas the glass half-empty’ers will complain for a slow week of posts from TVpocalypse, the glass half-full’ers can rest assured knowing that having caught up with every show under the sun, I now have an abundance of superficial thoughts to offer on an array of seemingly inane topics. Translation: it’s shaping up to be a pretty busy week here at TVpocalypse.

That’s right folks, if not for a DVR malfunction that  resulted in none of the Hung episodes being recorded (don’t worry, it has since been remedied…I’m sure you were all very concerned), I would be 100% caught up on all of the shows in the current edition of the TVpocalypse Top 25.

Rally on season one leading into season two of The Walking Dead? Check. All of the back episodes of American Chopper? Cleared. Catch up on all things Gossip Girl? Check. I was a machine. I was on a roll and I literally couldn’t be stopped. I was bagging dinner and a movie plans (before you go screaming and yelling about my poor girlfriend, I’ll have you know that it was just as much her decision. We are both equally addicted to The Walking Dead now), I was staying up to all hours of the night (3:30am Thursday night, 2:30am Saturday and Sunday night…the things I do for you folks). I literally couldn’t be stopped. And then I ran into the FOX buzz saw.

In it’s mishandling of the MLB playoffs, FOX has wreaked havoc with my DVR and thus my TV viewing proficiency. As I powered through the season premiere of House and looked to continue on into episode two, I was greeted by a title on my DVR entitled House: Transplant that in actuality was 47 minutes of Terra Nova topped off with just enough of House to get me interested in the episode that I was missing and thus get me even further frustrated.

FOX’s assault on my DVR continued as they cancelled Wednesday’s The X Factor for the World Series (understandable), then mislabeled Thursday’s episode so it didn’t’ record (not so understandable), and then left Sunday’s programming labeled as MLB NLCS (a game that wasn’t happening as said series concluded the night before). This clerical error made it impossible to simply record the 8pm-10pm replay since the NLCS block ran all the way past 11pm. And this in turn made it impossible to record The X Factor replay without wreaking havoc on my already log-jammed Sunday night programming (epically not understandable). So here’s the net net…

 

The Unwatched List
The X Factor (thanks FOX)
House (and thank you once again FOX)
Hung (DirecTV’s DVR’s fault….because obviously nothing is my fault)

 

The Worst Episode of the Week
Terra Nova (What Remains)

Apparently FOX is refusing to take “no” for an answer. As anyone who has read this blog can attest to, there wasn’t a moment that I even entertained the notion that Terra Nova would be a good show or that  I would want to watch it (because, as has also been proven in this blog, one has nothing to do with the other. I am more than happy to watch bad TV that is truly great). And, I agree, there are those who would argue that it’s a little unfair to judge the merit of an episode (nevermind an entire show) on a viewing that took place in 1 minute and 37 seconds and entirely in 4x fast forward speed. Of course, I would rebuke that in that time (and even at that speed) I saw everything that I needed to see to reinforce my completely biased and prejudiced opinion of this show.

If Jurassic Park was impregnated by Waterworld and Avatar, this is what I imagine their offspring would look like. And while there are probably some of you who like the sound of that, I am not one of them. I didn’t mind Jurassic Park and that is probably the best I can say about any of them. I think we can all agree on the absurdity that was Waterworld. And finally, I am proud to declare myself a founding member of the I Refuse to Ever See Avatar Because That’s Just How Absurd It Looks Club. Mind you, there are only 17 of us members left, but I’m not caving on this one. And I’m not caving on Terra Nova either…no matter what you do to my DVR FOX!

The Weekend Rally

Don't let the smile fool you...he'll cut a bitch.

We might as well rename this post the The X-Factor Rally this week. Because obviously when a show turns out 4+ hours of programming a week, it just begs to be saved up for two weeks and powered through in an 8-12 hour marathon session…right?! Doesn’t it? No? Is it just me?

Anyway, after the afore mentioned 10 hours of The X-Factor viewing I have finally come to a conclusion on this show. I love it. And while I admit that there are plenty of parts that are almost direct lifts from American Idol (e.g. train wreck auditions, a Euro-trash version of Ryan Seacrest, Simon, the entire format), there are enough changes that make this somewhat new and interesting. In reality, this isn’t a new show as much as it is a long overdue re-boot of the Idol franchise (except Simon had to depart and start this show on his own because, as was evidenced by his fielding a call from the show’s producers aboard his 100 ft. yacht in the south of France, it’s about time he finally gets paid).

For those of you who aren’t on board just yet, here’s the upside that The X-Factor brings to the table:

1. The 30+ Group: Whereas Idol has morphed into nothing more than a Disney-type teenybopper-producing machine, I love that The X Factor opens it up to any and all comers. And while the very young contestants have also made it interesting, it’s the grizzled veterans that make this show completely unique. They’ve been around the block. They know this isn’t supposed to be handed to them. They actually have an idea as to who they are (mostly). And best of all, they’re desperate. Some of these contestants have seemingly just come in from living on the street, so you have this overwhelming sense that they might literally kill that 16 year-old kid doing his “pained” rendition of Hallelujah if that’s what it would take to move on to next week. And in my book, that’s TV gold.

2. Competition: The major point of difference between The X Factor and Idol is that the judges have a vested interest in the development of the show’s talent. Not only are they actively mentoring the contestants, but the format of the show pits the judges against each other. They are each responsible for one of the groups (Simon has the girls, LA Reid has the boys, Paula has the groups, and the waif model/singer that no one has ever heard of has the 30+ contestants). And rest assured, the pissing contest has already begun. The only thing funnier than the fact that Simon and LA have begun trash talking each other, is that neither of them has even considered for a moment the possibility that Paula or Model girl can actually lead their talent to the win. (I’m also 93% certain that neither Simon nor LA know the Model girl’s name either and actually call her Model girl as well).

3. Simon: If you’re an Idol fan and you have fallen out of love with it, you should get on The X Factor now. Because just in case there was any doubt, Simon is the difference. It’s amazing what a judge with an actual opinion beyond “You look great.” can make. Simon hasn’t even brought “awkwardly brutal, yet utterly brilliant and entertaining Simon” to the party just yet, and already I find myself saying “God, I missed Simon” upwards of 10 times an episode. Throw in his hysterically subtle (at times) jabs at Paula’s mental instability, and you have yet another reason that I am all in on this show.

 

The Unwatched List
There are a whole bunch of show’s on the list this week (how’s that for descriptive?). But this probably isn’t the best indicator as to whether or not a show is falling off the Top 25. And there are actually two reasons for that.

First, I’m losing so many shows from cancellations and season endings that I can’t afford to kill a show just because it sucks. That’s the kind of dedication I’m bringing to this blog for you folks.

Of course, the second reason is work. Again, until this blog develops its’ own revenue stream, there will actually be times when I’m unable to keep up for a couple of days at a time. Despite the fact that I’ve trained my body to operate on a mere 2-3 hours of sleep a day (I’m a professional….so don’t go getting any ideas), I’m still in need of a few more hours per day to stay on top of my 25 shows, and my job, and oh yeah…my actual life.

 

The Worst Episode of the Week
The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Portrait of an Italian Family)
This was the season finale. This was building off the momentum of the now legendary On Display “performance”. This should have been must-watch, save until I delete TV. But instead, it was check the DVR and make sure it recorded the entire episode TV. All of the showdowns the show’s producers worked so hard to set up over the course of the season were never fully realized. Ashley, or Ashlee as she is now called, never moved out. And what’s even more disappointing than that, is the fact that the only way I found that out was through an on-screen caption which told me so. The captions also told me that Ashley legally changed her name to Ashlee. How in the hell was this not captured on camera!? I need to know how she came up with this. I want to know how much time and money was spent to make this happen. I might need to fire off a FOIA letter to Bravo so I can personally pour over all of their footage to get these answers. I don’t think I’m overstating the importance here in the slightest.

The other annoying element of last night’s finale is the fact that the Tre-Caroline feud was teased only to lead into a fireworks filled reunion show, or worse yet, next season. If I had any self-respect, I would skip the reunion show and not allow myself to be so obviously strung along. But of course since I don’t have any self-respect, I will be there with bells on hoping for a no-holds barred, Jersey Housewives brawl.

The Weekend Rally

Annyong again Arrested Development

We are now in full swing for the fall season, and that means that Sunday night TV makes for one helluva marathon Weekend Rally. Five and a half hours of shows to power through, and I have somehow justified that I should really make every effort to watch all of them tonight. I can’t see how that would be a bad idea. So with that in mind, I’ve taken to writing this post as I watch my TV. No worries kids, I’m a professional. My ADHD lends itself perfectly to writing a TV watching/Facebook checking/Diet Coke drinking /Get Glue-ing/Tweeting-fueled new post for the TVpocalypse blog.

So with that, I give you a rapid fire representation of my stream of consciousness as it relates to the past couple of days of TV. How is this different than any other post you ask? Well, it’s not too different actually…but this one will have bullets!!

• First of all, I’d like to thank those of you who took the time to weigh in and vote on the inaugural TVpocalypse Queue Poll. It seems as though 25 shows really isn’t enough, and I will no doubt have a couple of new entries on the TVpocalypse Top 25…and then some. Be sure to check back tomorrow to see the latest and greatest poll (yet another shameless plug than you every much).

• And while I never had any intention of this blog being anything more than my seemingly incoherent musings on my obsessive TV habits, never mind a new breaking outlet, tonight I simply can’t help myself. CUE THE BREAKING NEWS SCREEN GRAPHIC AND THEME MUSIC!!! Arrested Development is BACK! And not only a movie, but 10 episodes to catch up with the Bluth’s and lead into the long-awaited movie (coming early 2013….ugh). And TMZ said it’s true…so you know it HAS to be real. Plus, Will Arnett later confirmed it on Twitter. To say that I’m excited would be an understatement in the neighborhood of saying Tony Romo seems to have some issues late in games in a big spot. I now have two hopes. One is that the ratings on these episodes go through the roof so FOX will be forced to bring them back for many, many, many more seasons. And two is that Dr. Tobias Funke has his Analrapist practice up and running.

• I might have been slightly dramatic in posting my Fringe obituary. While I still miss both the Peter/Olivia and Peter/Walter dynamic (not to mention the Olivia/Walter dynamic), I will admit that the second episode was a marked improvement over the first one. Consider the deathwatch called off. I’m giving Fringe a stay of execution.

• As I sit here watching Real Housewives NJ, awaiting the long-teased On Display performance, I have come to the realization that if someone were to tell me that Caroline snapped and killed Teresa on this Punta Cana trip….I wouldn’t necessarily not believe it.

• OK, I just watched the afore mentioned On Display performance. Ummmm….a-maz-ing. The pre-performance prayer to her father and to baby Jesus (out loud for the cameras….of course). The lip-syncing, which begs to be examined. In my mind, Melissa lip-synced for one of two reasons. She either bombed the sound check so bad that they said, “no f’n way you’re singing live, we’re putting a track on for the performance”, OR she bombed the performance so bad that she said “no f’n way your airing that horrific sound on the show” and had Bravo place the track over it.  Either way, it’s off the charts hysterical. Big season finale next week! Say it loud and say it proud, “YOU’RE MY F#$%N FATHER!”

 

The Unwatched List

Just a reminder for the newbies, the Unwatched List is the list of shows which remain on my DVR unwatched at the end of the week. If a show remains unwatched by the time I go to bed on a Sunday night, odds are it won’t be on the TVpocalypse Top 25 Poll for very long.

This week’s list is really a collection of two types of shows. There are those that were forgotten due to the limitations of the time space continuum (translation: there are only so many hours in a Sunday night), and there are those other shows that were simply forgotten (on purpose).

This week’s Pan Am and Hung have yet to be watched. I will get to them tomorrow for sure. Or Pan Am for sure, and Hung….probably (maybe Hung is somewhere in  between the two sections of the list). As for the forgotten side of the list, no shocker there really. Harry’s Law and Person of Interest, it was nice not knowing you.

 

The Worst Episode of the Week
Whitney (First Date)

Remember that whole post last week about Whitney really finding it’s sweet spot and staying there, and capturing the whole guy point of view through the eyes of woman? And remember when I said this would be on the TVpocalypse Top 25 without a doubt? And remember when I said this show was good? Yeah….ummm….nevermind.

As pitch perfect as this show was in its’ pilot episode, it was the exact opposite in episode two. This show failed the laptop test worse than Vince Young failed the Wonderlic test. Nevermind popping open my laptop, if I could have gotten up from the couch and started a kitchen makeover I would have done that before watch the rest of this show with any kind of concerted effort.

I’ll give Whitney an episode or two to pull itself out of the Bridesmaids trap, but unless it does, I don’t think you guys will be hearing a whole lot about this show here at TVpocalypse.

Be sure to come back tomorrow to see this week’s TVpocalypse Top 25 Poll…I have a feeling you’ll barely recognize it from last week. Another shameless plug. Aaaaaand scene.

The Weekend Rally

Olivia and Olivia. Of course.

Olivia and Olivia. Of course.

Introducing the recurring theme for my weekend-end posts. You see, with 25 shows (and then some) on the docket and a mere 120 hours of potential viewing during the week (less if you include work), the Weekend Rally is what makes the TVpocalypse a possibility.

So until someone decides to fire up and offer me some sort of a revenue stream based on my abnormal television habit, my weekends have become a DVR binge that is essential in keeping up with what at times seems to be every show currently on the air. But more than just catching up, I have found that the Weekend Rally is possibly the best litmus test for my feelings towards the shows in the TVpocalypse Top 25. Basically, if you’re a show and you’re sitting on my DVR on Sunday night when I go to bed, it’s pretty safe to say that I’m none to excited about you (not really sure how you, the reader, would become a show really…but I think you get the point). So, with that theory in mind, I give you the inaugural edition of….

 

The Unwatched List
This week, of the 25 shows in the poll, 19 had new episodes. Of those 19 shows, two remain on my DVR unwatched. Harry’s Law. Person of Interest. Congratulations, you’re officially on the “watch” list for not being watched. The new poll will be revealed tomorrow, and it’s pretty safe to assume these two will probably be creeping south.

If these were the shows that I chose not to watch, this next weekly award is for the show that I only WISH I chose not to watch. With that, I give you the….

 

Worst Episode of the Week

Fringe (Neither Here Nor There)
Generally, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I judge my disinterest in an episode by the amount of time I remain buried in my laptop. The more I’m trolling Facebook, the less interested I am in the show…obviously. But beyond apathy, is disdain, and that is what Fringe drew out of me this week. I was flat out aggravated.

It’s never a good sign when, as you’re watching a show you think you like, you find yourself asking questions like, “What the hell is going on here?”…“Where the hell are they?”…“When the hell are they?”…and of course, “What f’n universe are they in?” This show REEKS of Lost (and in my book, that’s not a good thing…it actually may be the worst thing). It seems that J.J. Abrams is just as confused about where this show goes as he was with his other eminently hopeful, yet decidedly disappointing show.

They might as well have called this year’s season premiere a series premiere. Because by combining the two universes and creating yet ANOTHER universe, the show has essentially made viewing of the previous seasons a complete waste of your time. Suddenly characters from these previously separate universes are now thrown into the same world to establish brand new relationships (Don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness that is having two Olivia’s dealing with each other in this new world). And even worse than that, they’ve seemingly made every effort to do away with any and all remnants of the relationships and inter-character dynamics that brought you in to this show to begin with. I mean, no Pacey? That’s your idea?! We only see Peter in windows and mirrors and in the reflections of his father’s television set?! That should make for some meaningful scenes between he and the rest of the cast that we’ve been watching grow together over the last 3 seasons!

So at this point, as a viewer of this show, you’re being asked to learn about a whole new cast of characters. To quote the great Ricky Watters, “FOR WHO? FOR WHAT?” “Oh yes J.J., let me go all in and learn ALL about Olivia and her new friend alternate-universe Olivia, so that come this year’s season finale you can go ahead and fuse this universe with some other universe I can’t even begin to understand so that all of this season is also rendered completely meaningless and we can do this all again next season!!!”.

In my mind, this would be the equivalent of someone taking my children away from me every year and replacing them with new kids who both have the same names as the children they replaced. And this someone has not only replaced my children with complete strangers, but is now somehow confused that I don’t love them the exact same way as I did the two little girls that I spent years getting to know and understand and love. OK, maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, if this show doesn’t make a rally of its’ own, something tells me it’s about 4 or 5 weeks away from having 4 or 5 episodes sitting unwatched on my DVR.